Lost in Tinder-slation

For those of you who don't know what Tinder is, either A. Tune me out B. Get an iphone/apple product
C. There is no option C.

Tinder is an upcoming app for apple product users. It gives you the opportunity to talk with people between a 10-100 mile radius based on a profile of age, 5 pictures maximum, shared interest, and shared friends. You anonymously <3 or X people, until you are matched. Matching means you <3 a person and they <3 you. If given a match you can start a conversation or keep playing.

So here comes the fun part. When you get a match!

Alright, let's all admit it. For those of you who are on that "tinder grind" as my neighbor would say, you know you get a little confidence boost every time you get a match. Someone else shallowly likes you just as much as you shallowly liked them, usually they're pretty attractive or you found something interesting based on their profile. Then if one of you is brave enough you start a conversation.

So here is where the tinder-slation comes in to play. . .

My first night on Tinder, I nervously started the sorting process. Finally after a couple minutes I had my first match! Being thrilled, the pit dropped in my stomach when the "Send a message" or "Keep playing" option came up. I quickly did what any normal girl would do and messaged my best friend.

"What do I say??" I asked.
"Umm... Hi?" She said.

Being a complete moronic newbie I told her. "No way! It can't be that simple! Who the hell has a tinder and starts a conversation off with hey?"

So of course I thought of something really cheesey and cute to say. To put it simply, I did not receive a reply. Feeling like a complete idiot, I began my search over again. Aha! Finally another match! Stressing yet again, I was faced with the issue of "What do I say?" I messaged her again.

"Okay. Cute pick up line. Yeah"
"Hahaha okay" She said.

However before I could type anything, I was messaged first this time.

"Hey!"
*Face to palm*

WOW I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! HEY! WHAT A COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NON IDIOTIC WAY TO START A CONVERSATION........

"Hey!" I replied.

We began talking, and realized we had similar friends and interests.

Between conversations I started "Tinder-ing" again. As I came to find, they all began with some sort of hello, with the rare "You do realize you look like Mandy Moore, right? ;)" or "We should probably get different jersey's since you're out of my league ;)" ones. Which by the way, make my day entirely.

My friend Sea-biscuit (How he got that name is a completely different blog post yet to come) started tinder about a week ago, after I showed him one day during class. In one night, he had managed to get three girls phone numbers.

"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Well you see, I start off almost all my conversations with 'You're my favorite match so far.'" What a brilliant kid! That is freaking hysterical! But then it made me realize, If my dear sweet friend was pulling moves like that... why wouldn't other guys, who I barely even knew?

I became a little paranoid. I had given my number out to guys. Did this mean I was one of the many "favorite matches" too?

So I began interrogating Sea-Biscuit.
"So what do you actually say to them?"
"Well, you begin talking normally, throw in a couple compliments. About.. 30 minutes in you say something like "Well i'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight! And they just throw their numbers at you."

That's genius I thought to myself. Get the charm going, then wam! "Hey shawty what's your number?" and every time you eventually cave.

"Sometimes you get stuck though. And then you just gotta ask for advice from the bros. I'll be like sitting on the couch with one of them, and we'll both be tindering and then a girl will say something. So we swap and we're like "dude, girl said the same thing to me once, perfect line." and then they'll get stuck and I'm like "Bro. *click click click* This is gold."

I guess I can't really blame them though. I do that with my girlfriends. Although, we sit in a group text message and send screen shots and judge. "....He looks to short for you" "Ladies! 1-10? He's 5'10 and has a golden retriever." "Oh my god... total 10."

It's sometimes ridiculous the extent we go to. IT'S TINDER FOR GOODNESS SAKE! But yet, why is it so addicting?!

But sometimes you actually feel seriously about spending quality time texting or continuing the chat... so... as we go again... Tinder-slation can be very tricky.

So we can all agree, what is a conversation without a little bit of spice and flirtation? Sure, essentials like what your favorite color, and hockey team are important. But you shallowly liked the person because of usually one thing: Their attractiveness. You know it's true. Don't kid yourself. I admit it. Flirting is inevitable.

So you begin kind of flirtatiously dropping things like "Hey, you're super cute. . . we should meet up." My only issue, is most of my matches live around 50 miles away #bummer. But like I said, flirty never really hurt anyone. But there are things you need to make sure you're aware of.

Code Freaking RED:

1. When your so called normal conversation takes a turn for the sexual
So you've been talking for a while, throwing in the occasional winks, compliments, smiley faces. Then all of a sudden "So do you spit or swallow?" UM EXCUSE ME? WE WEREN'T EVEN DISCUSSING THAT. No offense, and maybe I'm alone, but do you really think I'm going to tell you that after holding a conversation of like.. an hour? Even after a couple days if it's really going smooth. It's a total turn off, creepy, and gross. I don't even know your last name. This is all happening so fast! Can I get pregnant from this? Since when is it okay to be so casual about that kind of stuff. 'Hey my name is dominic. So question, are you a top or bottom girl?" HARD PASS. HARD PASS.

. Send me a picture ;) 
Okay. . . Will you specify that? You want a picture of my face? My room? Stuffed elk hanging in my living room? Of course, the most often reaction is ".... I look really fat today though." Girls I know you feel me on this. If he asks you this, ask if he has a snap chat! If you're feeling like it's not gonna bite you in the ass, snap chats are pretty cool. Besides it gives you the chance to see what he's like. If he has an iphone, he can
download snapchat for free if he's that desperate for a pic. If he refuses, you probably don't want to be sending out your beautiful faces to the world anyways. Same goes for guys... but girls are more likely for this one. Sorry :/




3. Doesn't message you after you match

As cute as they are, I give my matches 3 days to strike up or reply to a conversation. I'll usually give them one day to message me, and if not i'll say Hi in case they're that guy(or girl) who likes girls(or guys) to make the first move. If you don't hear from that, either he's not interested, or has a girlfriend. Or they're just on there for the pure entertainment and ego boost of having "so many matches." "Omg that Cory is so cute! why wont they message me though?" My advice, block them! They're just cluttering up your actually interested match list anyways.

Friend or Foe?

This is for all you people drinking the hater-ade. I know, the term hater-ade is dorky but deal with it. For those of you saying you can't be friends with your ex's, you my sweet cheeks are in denial. And as we all assumed, I would know.

How to be friends with your Ex's 101:

Seriously, this should be an actual course, because mastering it can be difficult as. . . we all know what sometimes. I think everyone secretly wants to hate their ex on some level just because it helps with the disappointment things didn't work out. But truth is? Being friends works out in the long run, and actually makes you feel better. 

I think the reason some of us get so depressed over break-ups is not only because we lost someone we cared about, but we also lost a friend. It's really hard to just date someone without building a friendship first, and when it doesn't work out, we lose the friendship too. Well not anymore! I've managed to stay friends with most of my "ex's" and I'm pretty damn proud of that! 

So many of my girlfriends ask me, "Ugh, Why are you still friends with him? I could never do that. I don't want to be friends, mer mer mer." That's probably why I'm a lot happier and more confident about my love life than you. 

Trying to be friends with your ex takes some time and effort. A lot of times I thought to myself  "Is this even worth it?" and almost gave up, but the fact I stuck it out, made all the difference in the world. Truthfully, I'm almost better friends with some of my ex's than I am with my girlfriends. So that is a huge wake up call! It can be done!! 

The biggest thing you're going to need is time. Time is essential. You can't break up with someone and then 5 minutes later go back to being friends, I wish you could do that, but you can't. Life isn't that way. I had to take almost two months to really feel like my ex and I were okay, and on stable ground for continuing the friendship. We broke up, and the first couple of weeks, as accepting as I was of the fact we broke up, I can't say I wasn't over it. He then left on a trip for a month, and I spent that month hanging out with other guys and my friends. I was doing me. The fact I didn't have to see him, or hear about him every day made it easy to move on. By the time he returned I was excited, but on a friendly level. I had started seeing other people, spending time with my friends, it was great! And he and I were actually back to being like we were before we dated, hanging out and talking on a regular basis.

Another thing you need to do is actually move on! Find other people! I think people miss this step because they're afraid of hurting the others feelings. [Yeah, it's kind of a bummer or makes you uncomfortable when they finally take a step in the other direction, but that means they're wanting you to do the same]. Friends who are ex's who don't want what's best for the other, aren't good friends. It's going to be hard and knock the winds out of their sails a little when someone new rolls around, but just know it's almost a cue for them. You're saying to them: "It's okay you move on too." I was actually excited for my friend/ex when he got a new girlfriend-thing. If you're a real friend, or trying to be, you want them to be happy! So be encouraging, and talk to them about it! Because when one of you starts moving on, the other is going to be curious how it's going. 

The last thing, is reassure and TALK to them! When you say you're friends and then don't talk or hang out, it kind of defeats and contradicts the purpose. Why are you going to be friends, if you're not going to do friendly things? I still have a lot of fun with my ex's and it's never awkward. We dated, we should be pretty comfortable around one another. Make plans to go see a movie, or hang out. I don't see what the big deal is? You do it with all your other friends! Include them into things and let them know you still want to be apart of their life. If you get that feeling they don't really understand the "friendship" then reassure them you still want to be friends. Go to a concert together, go get lunch. Do something! If you state your friends, and don't act like it, then you're fooling yourself, and you aren't really friends. 

So for those of you who say you can't be friends with your exs. FALSE. I am friends with almost every single one of mine. It takes time and effort. You can't just be like "It's over, let's be friends. Hey wanna go get doughnuts?" No! But you can work yourself back up to that point. And what you realize when you get there is almost how much better friends you are after dating. I visit mine at college, go hang out on the weekends, and talk to them on a pretty regular basis. And I believe I am a truly happier person because of it, so I hope you take my advice, so you can be truly happy as well :) 

Well EX-cuse me

We've all had ex's. Now the word ex's always brings a certain feeling to everybody. For some of mine, it's the feeling of total disgust, others fondness, others sadness; It just depends on the person. But some of mine never seem to go away, and always, in someway or somehow bother me for more. I'm not being narcissistic when I say this, I don't really believe my ex's never got over me, and desperately want me again. . . I'm just saying, every once in a while one pops up at the most inconvenient time, always wanting something.

Let me just tell you this though, I'm fed up! And if you're an ex reading this, I'm not necessarily fed up with you personally, I'm just fed up with some of the BS you pull on me.

For all you people out there who have had to deal with ex problems, then this is for you, cause I say enough already! This needs to quit! Why must you taunt us with mixed signals? Are we friend or foe? Do you want me do you not want me? What is the deal? I just want an answer!
:( #FRUSTRATED.

THINGS YOUR EX'S DO & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

1.Put the moves on you post break-up:

I think this one is the most occurring, most confusing, and most frustrating thing ever! We broke up for a reason. . . what are you doing?! [Especially when they're the ones who broke up with YOU]. Ummmm hello???? Do you still have feelings for me....? Is this entertainment for you...? Why are you doing this....? Some of the million thoughts that run through our mind when this happens. I get that there will always be chemistry between you, and sometimes it's hard to fight, but really avoiding this is for the best. Unless they have real intentions of getting back together, as harmless and nostalgic as it is to flirt, don't play into this. It's not worth your time, and it's not going to change anything. It's just going to mix up your feelings for one another, and before you know it, one person still has feelings for the other, and it turns into a huge ole mess.

Example:

My boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of summer, and it was pretty mutual. We got together one afternoon to talk and both knew where it was going. There was still chemistry, but it was just time. That night we were at a party, when I was about to leave, I went in for a hug, you know, to show we could still be friends. . . turns out it wouldn't end like that. Nope, he went in for a full on kiss, and I'm talking like a we didn't break up a couple of hours ago, and we're still together kiss. It totally threw me off. I stopped mid way and was like "Wait, this is confusing." And his response? "So..?" OKAY, WHAT THE HELL?!

What to do about it:

As much as you want to pretend like "Oh it's just one time" and "It's not that big of a deal" No! Do not fool yourself, it is a big deal and you know it. When they pull this kind of BS on you, it's not okay! It's not one time! That just means your opening all new doors to things that are going to make your life confusing and miserable. Okay, perhaps a bit dramatic, but I'm serious! It's going to make them think it's okay to play with your feelings, an that they still have power over you. No one really moves on from the break up because their always going to remain an option in your mind.
If this happens you need to man or woman up and tell them how you feel. As dumb as you may seem, it's the best and only way. Straight up ask them how they feel about you. If their response isn't "I made a mistake I want to get back together 100% , right now" then it's good you caught it early on. This has happened to me, and I never did anything about it, thinking it was okay. Little did I know, I would spend another few months of my life wondering what their reasoning was behind it. When I finally got up the courage to ask it was "because it was convenient for them, and I was someone they still had good chemistry with, and knew what they were doing with." Wow, not the reaction I was hoping for! Well hello! Most of the time that's going to be the reaction for you. So when something like this comes along, nip it in the bud and call them out on it. Or else you're in for a whole lot of trouble.

2. Are total d-bags when the break-up, so you thought, ended smoothly:

They're probably just butt hurt, or don't want you to feel like there is still a connection, or both. Or they really are just a jerk.
 I don't know if I'll understand why, but to the best of my ability I'll contribute to solving the mystery. So let's go with the first one. Even though you're broken up, you will always have some sort of feelings for the other. Maybe they're buried way deep down, like you'd shed a tear if they died, but hey! That still counts! ....So they're butt hurt (upset). Sometimes during break ups that we think went smoothly, there are unresolved, and un...stated feelings. A lot of times, we don't want to seem like the desperate one, so we just casually agree that breaking up is the best, even when we disagree. You state that you will continue to be friends, but it takes time and effort to actually be comfortable with the idea. If it's within a two week radius or so of post break-up-ness, I'd just let it slide, it'll probably blow over sooner than you think.
Signs/Symptoms of being butt hurt:
1. Bitter behavior (i.e snappy remarks, mean jokes, etc.)
2. Mood-swings (i.e being totally happy and then totally crabby two seconds later)
3. Ignoring (don't respond)
4. It's been a while, I'll get back to you on more signs/symptoms

Cures:
1. Time

Okay, moving on. . .Option: they don't want you to feel like there is still a connection. This one basically explains itself. As totally immature, and stupid this one sounds, it makes sense. Even though you broke up, and it went smoothly, no one wants to pull a #1. (Puts moves on you post break up). Although a friendly gesture could totally just be a friendly gesture, post break up sometimes could send unintentional, mixed signals. Being in a relationship changes a lot of things, even when we don't want it to. You begin over analyzing everything your ex does and what it means. The best way to sort this one out is to just to talk to them and reassure them you're just friends, and you know that. When they feel comfortable and assured that you know it's now just a friendship, they'll stop being so awkward, jerky, and cautious about what they're doing.
Signs/Symptoms:
1. Signs/symptoms of being butt hurt
2. Continues for a while
3. Bragging about hook-ups
4. Treating you as much like "one of the guys/girls" as possible



Cures:
1. Confrontation (the reassuring kind, not sloppy drunk girl kind)
2. Get a new significant other
3. Time...

Last but not least, they really are just a jerk. If they're just being completely insincere to you in all ways, then sweetheart you should be glad you're not with them anymore. They're too immature to be a normal human being and treat your feelings with respect. Don't take it too personally, they're just an idiot.

3. They act like you've never dated or been together:

I can understand this one, and I don't think just because you've dated someone, and it didn't work out you should automatically brand them with EX, but acknowledging the fact once in a while doesn't kill you, does it? I agree that once you've broken up, if you remain friends, you should focus more on the fact that you're friends, but the fact you were together shouldn't just be brushed under the rug. Sometimes it's important to verify, clarify, and remember. Whether it worked out or not, people like to be acknowledged for being someone special. It's healthy and normal. I know when I don't even get credited for being a medium-termed girlfriend, it's kind of a bummer. I don't want to be referred to that all the time, but if you're going to associate with me, the fact we dated shouldn't really be thrown out of the "list of memories and good times" if you know what I mean.

Example:
My sister and her boyfriend were both associated with the Greek life at college. When my ex boyfriend went to school, he called me one night he was going to a frat party. He told me he was going to the same house my sister's boyfriend's apart of and asked if he could name drop to help him "make some friends" or at least converse with people. When asked what he would say if he got a reaction his response was something along the lines of  "Oh yeah, I know her sister. Or like I hooked up with her sister. Or I'm friends with her sister." Haha, glad I was so much more to you in our relationship than a hookup? Um okay?

 Like I said, it shouldn't be a permanent label or really an important one at that, but when appropriate, it should be acknowledged damnit! You wouldn't refer to a pet dog as "this random dog living in your house for a while" No! So don't forget us ex's exist too! Especially when you begin seeing other people, they should know you have a history, whether it's important to you or not. And if they meet so called history they should know who you are, even if it doesn't matter anymore. I rest my case.

What to do about it:
There's really nothing you can do unless it really bothers you, then I guess confront it? But just remember for when your exs roll around.

Ivan-t you to Want Me

My dating life has never been super lucky. I mean granite, a girl at 18 shouldn't really have that much history or experience with boyfriends, but compared to the rest of my friends... I'm still a little far behind.

It was this past summer, in June my boyfriend and I of 5 months had split up, and I was back on the menu so to speak. I began, I'm not sure if seeing is the correct term, but seeing if you will, this other guy. Things were pretty good, but he was leaving back to college at the beginning of August, and I would be finishing my last year of high school, so we stopped seeing each other as often. During this lull in our "relationship" I was befriended by a local boy who moved into town to attend the community college. I had seen him working in a local clothing shop a couple times before hand, but he never stroke up a conversation until now. He had all the right lines and things girls wanted to hear so I accepted a date with him.


There was a comet shower the night of our date so instead of doing something generic like dinner or a movie, we decided to lay on the hood of my car with blankets instead. Snuggled up underneath blankets, we talked and laughed and shared stories; but the funny thing is we weren't even touching. It was a romantic evening and he seemed to be the perfect gentleman. The night was cooling down and my mom started ringing the bell to pack up and head home, so I drove him back to his ruckus at a parking lot down the hill.
"I had a really nice time tonight, and I'd love to go on a second date if you want to" He told me.
"Yeah a second date would be really nice" I replied.
"Call me when you get home?" I knew it wasn't a question, but I smiled back "Of course".
He then hesitantly leaned in, and kissed me. Nothing big or long, just a tiny peck on the lips.
"Okay," He abruptly stated as he started the bike. "I'll talk to you later."
"...Yeah..." I said getting into my car. That was a little weird.

We continued to see one another as the days progressed into weeks and so forth. He would text me every minute we weren't together, and continually persuaded me to visit him at work. "You're so beautiful" "Come visit me!" "Babe, Dear, Sweetie, Love, Hun" he was almost too sweet.

"He's really nice" I skyped to my best friend who was studying abroad in Argentina. "Like almost too sweet!"
"Haha, Right? It's almost annoying how nice they are! But I'm happy for you, you deserve someone to actually treat you like you deserve!"

And I was happy, I finally found a genuinely nice guy! Things started feeling more comfortable, and it seemed he almost made a priority that I fit in with his life style. I spent countless nights with him and his roommates cooking dinner, watching movies, and playing Mario Kart (which is a nightly ritual). He would introduce me to his friends or people he knew as "This is my girlfriend Liesl" even when we never talked about our status.
"I really like you and want to be exclusive with you," He would tell me. "I just want you to want the same thing."
But I wasn't sure if I did at the time. I did really like him, and he was totally sweet. I thought of him as my boyfriend. So why was it so hard to commit? My ex boyfriend and I were over, and so was I with the other guy who was back at college.
"I really like you too; let's just see how it goes." I would answer back.

The beginning of the school year was vastly approaching, and our relationship was vastly progressing. Things started feeling serious. We started talking about big subjects and started getting into that "groove" (everyone whose been in relationships know what I'm talking about). We were slowly getting out of the honey moon stage, and started getting into the "old comfortable shoe" area. We started picking things up with other aspects of our lives: School, friends, work. The text messages stopped being as endearing, the trips to his house became less and less enthusiastic.
"We need to move on in our relationship" I would find him say. "Get past the big elephant in the room."  I think you all know what I'm talking about here, so I'm not even going to say it.

That I was definitely hesitant on, and it was a pretty big deal for me. We had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, and although we felt comfortable with one another, I didn't want to risk it so early. We had talked about it, and he seemed fine with the fact I wanted to take things slow and not rush into anything, but lately he was getting antsy. . . and I could tell. I started shying away from the subject but it began being inevitable. Every single day it would get brought up and I was getting tired of arguing my case. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal I was making it out to be? Maybe I was just being too cautious? Too selfish?

The school year officially started for the both of us, so talking as often went down to a pretty low minimum. Finally a weekend approached and we planned to hang out. He picked me up, and we drove over to his apartment. . . No roommates insight.
"They're stargazing up at the falls," he told me.
"Oh," I said. We sat down on the couch and started to cuddle. The tense-ness started melting away, and we began kissing.
"Let's go upstairs," he whispered into my ear and kissed my forehead.
"...Okay." I whispered back.

No one will no what happened after we went upstairs. . . Maybe we got over "the big elephant in the room" or maybe I said no, but before I knew it, I was back in my bed asleep at home. "I'll call you tomorrow," He said and kissed me as I got out of the car. He didn't look at me as I opened the door.
"Okay," I smiled.

Things, as I assumed, took a turn for the worst. The next day I didn't receive a call, or text. With any other guy, this would have totally been normal; but for him, Not a good sign.
"He's probably just busy," I thought to myself. "Stop freaking out." But I couldn't help that pit in my stomach. A woman's intuition is really accurate. . . all the time.

Talking turned into one response conversations for 10 minutes, then silence for another day or two. This lasted about a week. Finally, I was through with the bullshit. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to hear it and know.

This is done isn't it?
I'm just to busy for you and this right now.
Yeah I understand.


And that was the end of that. No "I'm sorry." No explanation. Just... three words. Awesome.

I don't really like confronting things or making big deals about little things. The last thing I wanted was to be the crazy "ex girlfriend" who was too dumb to "see it coming" but really, I didn't see it coming at all. I didn't cry, or eat gallons of ice cream, and throw shit around my room. I messaged my bestfriend.

"WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHE-BAG" she said comforting me the best she could. "UGGGHHH I HATE GUYS! I'M SO FREAKING GLAD TO BE HERE IN ARGENTINA WHERE I CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM."

"Haha, can I come visit you?" I would always ask. Really dealing with the fact I was basically dumped on my ass wasn't that hard, just going through it alone was the hardest. It was on my mind, all the time.

"Hey. I miss you, and could reeeaaalllyyyy use a hug right now. :(" I sent my ex boyfriend.


"Hey! Are you alright? I miss you too. College is pretty crazy. I have special hugs? I'd totally give you one if I could!" He'd reply. At least I had one... decent one... in the pumpkin patch. "I can't really talk right now, and I'm not sure what's going on but I love you and call me tomorrow or something and we'll talk."



(Not Real Text Message)

I never called back the next day but it was at least reassuring. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. My best friend came home from Argentina, Halloween, Thanksgiving. Time was flying by, but it was still hard getting past the mishap in September.

Finally mid December approached. One of my girl-friends had gotten a job at the same clothing shop he worked in. I had avoided going in after the incident, but finally, I was over it.

"It's my first day!" she said. "Dude come visit me!"
"Haha alright" I said.
"Okay, I work at 3."

I pulled up outside the store but I wasn't scared or nervous. I pulled my head up with confidence and put a smile on my face. It was a little after three, and I was going to call her to see if it was okay to stop in. I searched all around for my phone but couldn't find it. I left it at home charging when I was in a rush to get to class this morning. Oh well. I got out of my car and made a strut into the store.
Please don't be working, please don't be working. I thought to myself as I entered the store and look around.
Of course. . . He's at the front counter. . . alone.

"Hey!" He smiled and looked suprised to see me. It was a happy/excited surprise though, not an "Oh shit" suprise I was expecting.
"Weird." I said to myself. "Um hey!" I smiled back. "...Is umm... Is emily here?"
His face dropped a little bit in disappointment. "Oh yeah.. uh. . . she's in back right now."
"Oh, ha" this was awkward. "I uh. . . she told me to come in and say hi." I shrugged.
"Well you should come back tomorrow. She's just training today so she wont be out on the floor really."
You can't just tell her to come out for 20 seconds?
"Oh. Um alright. I guess I'll be back tomorrow then" I said enthusiastically. "It was good too see you" I said walking out the door.
"Yeah," he called back. "I was really good seeing you too."

I got home and grabbed my phone to check all the text messages, calls, and emails I missed that day.
8 new text messages

I scrolled through the list, and to my surprise 4 were from him. . . from 9 am that morning.

AWKWARD.

Hey.
I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now.
I just wanted to apologize for everything I did. I'm sorry for ever hurting you and treating you the way I did. I can understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you last night and realized how much of a jerk I am. I hope you can forgive me one day, and I hope we could be friends. I'm sorry for hurting you. I really am.

DOUBLE AWKWARD

This was the reason for the excited/happy surprise demeanor. Ohhh this is awkward. I didn't know he sent that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You're laughing too, and that's okay. Well if you're wondering what happened next, I accepted his apology, and we moved on with our lives. We occasionally text one another, hang out (the rarest moments), and he gives me discounts when I need new clothes or buy something from the store. Attempting to be friends is difficult at times, but it's better than nothing, and I'm glad not to be bitter towards him anymore. If you're someone who knows me at all, being unhappy is not my strongest suit.

Kiss My.....

Kissing... Yummmm!! Who doesn't love a hot steamy kiss? With a good kisser of course. Kisses are what really make a relationship, not sex. First kisses are always special and unforgettable. We all remember exactly where, how old we were, and who it was with , so kisses are a huge deal! But what do his kisses actually mean? Seriously?! We all have attempted analyzing what "forehead kisses" and the "ass grab" first kiss mean. So let's put it into an actual generalized kissing dictionary.

What does it mean when....

His first kiss is soft or "peck" like:
He's probably pretty shy, or doesn't go out with girls as often as the other. As long as your time together went pretty well, he's probably really into you. It may be surprising, but like 9/10 he is. A subtle gesture like this let's you know he's got a little fling for you, but he wants you to know he respects your boundaries. He probably doesn't want to push it and seem too forward and scare you off. So take it as a sweet gesture and move on with it! Definitely don't freak out. He's just more chivalrous then the others.

If the time you two did spend together though wasn't as planned, there just wasn't chemistry but he didn't want to leave you hangin. So buck up and move onto the next one.

Ass/boob grab:

You two have bangin sexual chemistry, but, as simple as he so blatantly grabbed... he just wants you for you bod. He is literally just trying to get a piece of ass. The move is fine if you're hooking up, or your dating whatever, but just know it's his little way of saying "I want to do it with you, so I'm going to "sneakily" show you." Yeah not so sneaky.  And unless you're actually going to; mellow out, and tell him to do the same. Otherwise it's going to get real awkward real fast, and he's going to pretty....blue... about the whole misunderstanding.

Classic arms around the waist, neck, shoulders, etc:
He's into you and the kiss. He's not feeling too romantic but not trying to pressure you either. It's a good happy-medium, and the most generic form/stance. It's safe but comfortable, so no one really feels out of place.

Face/neck-grab:
SWOON!! If you face grab, especially double face grab, brownie points to you my friend. You know what you are doing! When someone kisses us (and I'm mainly talking girls here) and they grab our faces? It literally melts us like butter. We feel safe and secure and wanted in the space of your manly hands. It's soft yet aggressive. You're taking control of the kiss but it's in the softest, most romantic way. More guys should use this technique, cause whether you really like the girl or not, it's gonna get you a lot farther than you think. Cause even when a girl isn't that into a kiss, and a guy goes for the face grab. . . it's a game changer. TRUST ME.

Kiss on the forehead:

No one who recieves this really know what it means, but boy do we find it sweet and just like face-grabs...swoon! It's always a mystery why girls find these kisses so affectionate, but then again their one of those gestures that mean a thousand words. If you read any magazine or Q:A about these babies, the same response usually occurs. "He's just being affectionate", but I think there is always a little more to the story. Forehead kisses are ones that make you feel safe and secure. Like you're important. So don't take them for granite, and be sure to tell your man how much you like them, or that you feel special when he does that. . . because you know we all do. Don't try to deny it cause then you'd be a liar.

PD-You make me want to throw up

I do not need you sucking face right in front of me, in the middle of the day, before every class, when you're going to see the other person an hour later. EW. PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!

Look, I'm a girl here whose all about affection. I love holding hands, and hugging, and kissing, and all the other mumbo jumbo that comes along with dating and love and relationships, But I don't want to see the trailer for your bedroom action ON MY WAY TO CLASS. It's disgusting and have some modesty!! You need to tone that shit down. Peck before class? Fine! Holding hands to class? Fine! But you don't need to freaking molest one another in public. I don't like it and neither does anyone else. And I KNOW I can hear the hallelujah chorus sayin' Amen to that!

I'm all for public displays of affection, It's cute, and if you have yourself a man/women, good for you! And you should flaunt it! But in respectful amounts... okay?

Here's how to tell what's too much or what is acceptable PDA; and what you should be allowed to do based on how long you've been dating.

This is a don't unless you're actually
in this setting. 

Making out- Okay first off, where are you?

Are you in the middle of a hallway with hundreds of other people walking by? In the middle of the day? Total Don't! The rest of the world can tell you like one another based off a simple peck or subtle kiss. It doesn't need to be like 30 seconds long, with tongue and hair grabbing. You're not going away to war, you're going to class or work. You wont be separated for too long... I think you'll live.

Let's change the scenery. 

Is it dark/dim outside? Are you alone or surrounded by a few people? Are you at a party? If you answered yes to any of these then please! Continue! This is totally acceptable. You're just enjoying a romantic time, or maybe you're really horny and have the hots for someone at a party. If everyone else around you is having a good time, and it's night, and you're doing your thing, by all means go ahead. Just don't get too into it. Like I said, public (appropriate) displays of affection are totally adorbs, anything past that... get a freaking room.

Pecking- Acceptable any time of the day. Boom. Moving on.

Pecking is totally cute
and a kiss on the cheek
is totally endearing

Holding Hands- Acceptable any time of the day, anywhere. Just like pecking. Boom. Moving on

Touching/cuddling-  Just like making out. . . where are you?
If you're in a really public place and it's the middle of the day, or even the evening, please be conservative with HOW much cuddling you do. Snuggling up to one another on a park bench. . . please proceed. Sitting on someones lap? That ones gets a little tricky. Unless there is a total lack of seats around, or you're literally just using his lap to sit on, that's fine. It doesn't bother me that much, just don't get all grabby grabby with one another. It's awkward.

Mimic the adorable old couples you
see. Why wait till you're old?

That goes into touching. How much touching is acceptable? Putting your arm around someone.. fine! Hugging? Fine. Even a quick smack on the ass can be endearing and flirty and cute. Totally appropriate. But leave the groping and monkey business to your own time. Don't like pet at one another and grab each other in areas I, a total stranger/ third party outsider, find awkward catching you grab.

Sex-  Unless you're checking off something on your sexual bucket lists or are just total exhibitionist nudists... Don't ever do this in public. Thank you.

How long have you been dating?

Couple weeks- Okay you're PDA should be at it's minimum. You may have known each other for a while now, but considering you're finally committing to one another, leave all the hot stuff for home. I realize you're in the newly weds-honeymooner stage, whatever they call it. But listen up, you two will now be spending a lot more time together, so don't waist all the gas before you get there, deal?

Couple Months- You're starting to get pretty serious about one another, I know where you are. You're starting to feel comfortable talking about things and doing things around one another, but as far as your PDA goes, keep it on the more conservative side please. I realize you may be starting to feel feelings for the other like you never did before, and that's great! Just make sure you aren't showing too much to the rest of the world ey?

Couple Years- You're probably used to being around each other so often you don't need to flaunt your lust and affection to one another all the time. Mostly, you hardly do in public. So I guess just keep doing what you're doing. But don't get so comfortable you forget to show anything at all.

The Friendzone... May the odds be ever in your favor

The Friend zone... Aka the most controversial state of humanity. Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but we've all been there. Don't deny it.

We've all had our eye on that one friend, at one point in our lives, where we wanted more than to be a shoulder to cry on, someone vent to, and someone to buy pizza when the other's wallet is looking a little slim, but we're stuck in between a rock and a hard place aka the friend zone.

So the most talked about question is how do we get out?

There was that one show on MTV called The Friend zone where average day people profess their love to their best friend after tricking them into coaching them for a blind date. . . and then they accept and profess their love for the other one back and skip off into the distance. But let's be realistic, chances of that actually happening and working out in your favor are slim.


So how do we realistically get out of the friend zone?! Here is my best advice. Talk to a mutual friend first and get their input on whether or not coming out is going to be a good idea, and you have to ask yourself, is it worth possibly ruining a friendship over? If they think it's a good idea, then you have to be a little. . . what's the word...? Subtle, about it. You can't just ask them on a date and profess your love right then and their, because even if the friend had an incling you had stronger feelings, unless they feel the same it leads to awkwardness/ embarrassment.

Example A: My friend zone mishap-gone RIGHT:

I was lab partners with this guy my sophomore year of high school. He was really the only one I  knew in the class so I kinda jumped at the chance to have him be mine. Turns out we got a long pretty well. We were both quirky and understood the other's humor. We became fast friends. Well, the semester ended and we were no longer in science together, but we still kept a pretty strong friendship. We hung out more often, went to the same youth group on Mondays, and talked to each other in the hallways. I never thought he was interested in me. May rolled around and it was during prom when I helped him pick out a corsage for his date, he started acting a little differently towards me. He would give me really enthusiastic hugs every time he saw me, and would actually flirt. We hung out a majority of the summer and I started getting a feeling there was more to his side of the story then a friendship.  One day when hanging out with another guy friend, and LO (LO-=ode name) my ex lab partner, got brought up in a conversation. "He think he's in love with you" he laughed. "Wait, Lo thinks he's in love with me?" I remarked confused. Awkward. He was always the kind of goofy guy who I never thought of in that way. "Yeah, ha we were down by the river and he was like "Dude, I think I'm in love with Liesl."

Okay... quick. If you're going to tell a friend about you feelings for your friend. . . make sure they don't just blurt it out to them casually one day. It's not only going to end badly for you, but it makes the other person feel awkward... and slightly ruin your chances.

Anyways back to the story. After hearing this news things changed a bit. I noticed more and more his attitude changing from friendly "dude-friend" gestures to affectionate ones. Caught off guard a little, I distanced myself. The new school year began  and I knew he would ask me to homecoming. A little nervous because of the difference in feelings, I accepted with hesitance. He left from the dance early and I met up with him a while later at a party going on afterwards. We had both had a few drinks when he took me on the balcony alone. Here it comes. And right then and there, underneath the moonlight of a snowy October night, he told me he loved me. Not quite sure how to react I told him it wasn't the right time for me, and that I cared about him but not in that way. He understood, and we went about the night doing what normal people at parties do. In a... not so.. "with it" state, I ended up making out with this guy who I barely even knew (and who was a total dirt bag). Let's just say LO was not too happy. It only ended in tears and screaming/yelling and before I knew it, that was kind of the end of our friendship for a while.

Being bitter towards one another was pretty hard for the next oh... 5 months. It wasn't until February that we began talking again. Assuming it would only remain a friendship or mutual acquaintance style relationship, I was shocked to find he still had feelings for me, and funny enough it was at our high schools winter formal. A little taken aback yet again, I talked with my best friend about the situation. I did care about him, and maybe there were feelings there. But I was scared. She gave me the advice to follow my heart; so I did. We ended up being together close to 5 months I think, and not to mention it was a fairly healthy relationship. Even more so, even though we're broken up, we still talk on a regular basis and have remained really close friends!

So moral of the story? Don't always count out the people in your friend zones, for they could be the ones truly worth your while. And for those of you stuck in the friend zone. . . Don't give up trying to get out. Perhaps your first attempt might end badly but that doesn't mean there still isn't hope! I believe in you :)