Our Greatest Love

I feel like spending time at home, away from the chaos of school and college, always creates a sense of clear-mindedness. Maybe it's just the mountain air, the water, and the scenery. . . but I always find more pieces of myself and life that were once lurking in darker corners. For a while it seemed like my life as I knew it, just ended up crumbling into a million little pieces all in a matter of days. A dark gloomy cloud of confused emotions, thoughts, and questions about why all the things that were happening just, wouldn't go away; and I began taking it out on myself. What was I doing wrong that caused all these things to happen? Why me? And why on earth was it all happening now? What did I do to deserve all this?

It wasn't until I boarded a plane to Mexico for two weeks that I finally realize that sometimes god throws things at us, and if we can make it out alive, we end up stronger in the end. For a while I wondered why bad things happened to good people, and why good things happened to bad people. . . and then I just said to my self, "SCREW IT," and kicked my butt into gear. I relaxed, and slept, and tanned. I took the time I needed for myself and it might have been the most satisfying and needed thing, I well, needed. Let's be honest, a few margaritas in general can make you forget the people and things that made you feel inadequate, but when it actually starts to sink in without the help of tequila, it's a whole new feeling. Taking time away to be alone, I realized how much love I needed to pour back into myself; and realized that I was going to dedicate this summer to me. 

When I finally arrived back in Colorado, I was tanned and ready to take it on. I surrounded myself with the best of friends anyone could possibly ask for, and started doing the things that made me feel alive and good. For a while my life had turned completely upside down. Having some of the people you trust in and care about the most hurt you and break you, it's a lot to handle. Not to mention adding the stress of finals. My life in one word was this: overwhelming. But now it was as if those things that made me feel so sad and incomplete never happened. 

I started falling in love with myself again, and I realized, it might be the strongest love one can give and receive in life. Despite whether or not we have things that contribute to our blindness; or whether or not we aren't in tune with the things that satisfy us, and make us feel whole, I think most of us spend the majority of our lives finding things to fill our gaps. However, the truth of that matter is: the things to fill our gaps aren't even things at all; It's us. 

Life is confusing, and chaotic, and full of things that want to suppress us. I've seen it swallow up friends and put them down, and it's sad. It swallowed me up for a time, its swallowed me up many times, but the strongest way to get out of it, is self love and acceptance. It sounds cheesy but it's true; and I don't think I ever really realized it until now. When we lose site of the things that make us feel alive, are we really living? I think the answer is no. 

Carrie Bradshaw once stated, "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." And it's stuck with me since. I think when we are truly happy with ourselves, we're happy with life. I know I feel much better about myself and more confident when I wear high heels. I'm 5'8 flat footed, and about 6'1 in high heels depending on the shoe. It used to stop me for a while, because I tower over half the guys in the room, but now nothing stands in the way of me and my wedges. I feel better when I'm working out all the time. Just because I'm tired one day, doesn't mean I can't get in some sort of exercise. I feel better when my nails are painted and my hair is curled and my skin is kissed by the sun. I feel better when my relationships with the important people in my life are thriving. I feel better when I get a birds eye view over mountaintops. I feel better when I can sing in my car at the top of my lungs, and laugh because when my voice cracks on the high notes I look over to my girlfriend and say "I HIT IT!!" These are the things I realized when I stopped drowning myself in things that made me feel inadequate and started drowning myself in the things that made me feel worth while. 

Do the things that make you feel alive. Life is for living (and loving); and when you love yourself the rest just comes. 

Confidence is Key

Hello readers!! Here is my (...second...) first post of the new year! It seems that I can only get these thoughts out when listening to the queen of music and love herself: Lana. Such a goddess. ANYWAYS! This semester is even crazier then the last but I'm hoping it will mellow out soon so I can spend more time dedicated to you lovely people. There are a bunch of new things going on in my life right new jobs, friends, people and I can't wait to share with you soon!!! However, this blog post is about something that is hitting close to home lately with some friends! However, as I don't make blogs just for one person, this one is for all of you! So keep reading, welcome back, and enjoy :).

Confidence is Key

Growing up I have always been taught that with confidence and courage you can achieve almost anything. If you believe it, you can achieve it, and other cliches like that. Confidence is sexy.

When dealing with new people in your life, or even people that you've been with for a while, it is crucial to be confident in yourself and your actions. You have to work for what you want, and if they are someone that you really want, then putting yourself out there and on the line is inevitable. No one gets what they want just sitting around and doing nothing about it. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. There is no room for stage fright when it comes to relationships, only butterflies. 

Yes, liking someone new is scary and trying to get yourself on their radar is always a step out of the normal comfort zone is well, uncomfortable but its ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. You gotta put yourself out there, get on their radar, and say "Hey! Look at me!" So, like always, I got some tips and insight for you. 

The Medicine? 

Baby Steps

The first thing you need to evaluate is what you want from this person. Are you looking for more of a friendship? To introduce yourself? To hookup? To date? Figure that out first, and move on from there. However. . . for any of these. . . Just get on their radar! Are they in your class? Go sit down next to them and talk to them! I'm sure if you asked a pretty girl or cute guy if you could sit next to them and introduced yourself, they're going to be more than flattered. The first move is always one of the most important. Let's say now, that you have been talking to each other for a while, or at least know each other well enough as acquaintances . . . but you want to move on further than that; you should ask them to hang out! The worst thing that can happen is they say no, which I guess if you look at it, depending on how much you like them, could be upsetting, but on the bright side, at least they aren't leading you on. More often then not though, they're going to say yes. Here is the important thing though, make sure you're asking them to hang out and do something fun! No one wants to do chemistry homework for fun, and although that's an easy out, push yourself! If you stay in your shy bubble and only associate them with school work because you're too nervous, you're never going to get what you want out of it. Sure sometimes we fall for our lab partners, but I'm sure real love didn't come out of an algebra equation. 

Going with Flow

Congrats! You have now made it past the awkward ice breaker move and have now started talking to this person you like. The stage now is just to go with the flow, and if you like them, keep being persistent. If you want to talk to them don't be hesitant about it! Obviously if they keep responding then they like talking to you just as much as you like talking to them. I feel like our generation feels so insecure with talking to people for the sake of being clingy, or not talking to people enough because we want to seem reserved and cool. "Am I annoying them? I have to wait at least 10 minutes to open this text messages so they don't think I'm too eager." I think... that.... is BS. If you want to talk to a person talk to them! Don't play games no one wants to play. You aren't Chuck and Blaire from Gossip Girl, and it's not fun. Be confident in your situation, and address your insecurities with courage! I believe in you and it's time you believed in yourself. Let's face it, we're simple minded creatures. We either A. Over analyze things or B. Don't analyze them at all. 

If you're only asking to do things like homework with this person, or only texting them occasionally, they aren't going to think you're really interested further than that. Be confident that you are a dime piece, and someone worth wanting (because you are). Don't be afraid to flirt a little, tell them how you feel, an to talk to them! Everyone wants to feel wanted. 

Actions Speak Louder than Words 

Too relevant: Don't be afraid to let your actions speak louder than your words! If you care about this person then show them! I'm not saying you have to go and splurge on a bouquet of flowers (even though that is a great gesture *cough cough guys cough cough*) but a simple homemade meal, or taking a night to relax with your significant other because they're stressed can go a long way. Sometimes It's nice and more meaningful to stay in and be together than to go out like you originally planned. I'm sure if a guy asked me to come over just to make me a simple (even ramen) dinner, and to watch a movie, I would be way more touched then a nice dinner out. Not that thats not important or I wouldn't accept that, but the little things are what counts because one day they may become big things. Keep things spontaneous and be courageous with your actions. If you did something own up to it, or if you want to do something do it! The only person keeping yourself from what you want is you! Don't let you become an obstacle. 

Don't Confuse Confidence with Cockiness 

At least for me, there is a thick line between confidence and cockiness. Confidence is going up to that cute person at a party or in your class and starting a conversation; Cockiness is doing the same thing and then bragging about something during it. Yes, I care that you're athletic. No, I don't care how much you dead lifted this morning at the gym. Yes, he cares that you look pretty tonight. No, he doesn't care that your bag someone just spilt beer on was $400. Confidence is sexy, cockiness is not. It's never okay to compromise who you are, and sometimes cockiness is just over-exuberated confidence, but remember humbleness is also sexy. Now you probably just went, "You just totally contradicted you're entire post." I guess in a way you could think that, but at least for this little section It's true. Be confident in yourself, but don't be an unapproachable, unlikeable confident. You just come across as an asshole. 

I guess the moral of this whole story, is be yourself, don't compromise who you are, but be confident! You are you for a reason, and you have the power to be whoever you want to be! You're one hot piece of pie and I think it's time you embrace it!! Boom. 

A Brave New World

As the posts and statuses about new years resolutions and reflections on the previous year finally die down on Facebook and other social media sites, I was finally able to come up with my own rendition. 

This One's For You-

2013 has been one hell of a year, and I'm going to start with that. I went through the worst case of senior-itis I could possibly imagine, had basement parties, one where my parents $2,500 dollar bottle of wine was stolen (And yes, I will always remember that. You know who you are), almost failed AP Statistics, went on a week vacation to Costa Rica with 65 of the coolest people and parents around, graduated high school, worked full-time at my summer job, and most importantly, embarked on the greatest journey of my life known as: College. 

I have lived in a small town, no bigger than maybe 15,000 people for 18 years of my life. Born and raised. There are people I have baby pictures with all the way up to senior prom and graduation. Main street is 11 blocks long, and no matter what hour of day you go to the super store, even 10:59 at night, there is a guarantee you will run into someone you know. Everyone knows everyone, everyone says Hi, and waves. There's a drugstore with an old-fashioned soda fountain, and farmers markets every saturday morning in the summer. We tube the river for fun, or ski in the day; go trash bag sledding down the mini-pipe at two in the morning because there is nothing better to do. One of your best friends is Netflix, and you can probably outdrink anyone new you meet because if you didn't graduate SSHS with an MIP you're probably a prodigy child, extremely lucky, or a fast runner. 

The Wells Fargo parking lot was like the Walmart Parking lot, for any of you country fans out there. It was, and still is the heart of all high school meet-ups, or just a place to kill time and jam out in your car to classic rock while air-guitaring with your friends. Walgreens didn't appear on a corner until 2012; and Jamba Juice, Noodles and Co. Target and Panera Bread are basically inventions made by Jesus because the closest one for ANY of those is at least two hours away. 

Growing up here was a bubble; Not much racial diversity, sexual diversity, or class diversity. Mostly everyone was the same. Throughout my lifetime here I changed groups of friends every couple years, but never losing touch with any. By senior year I belonged to a friend-group of at least 15 girls and counting, and everyone was closer than ever. 2013 united as one baby! As the options of college finally came to a surface it was apparent we were all headed in separate directions. The majority of us went out of state, the few including myself sticking to the homeland of Colorado. 

CU Boulder. Maybe the most magnificent place on earth in my opinion. A gorgeous campus, a gorgeous backdrop, a gorgeous set of people (literally. Everyone at CU is good-looking. Am I right?).  

First semester pushed me to new heights. It pushed me to make new friends, to succeed in my academics, and coming out after the too-short-of-months I've been there. . . I would say I came out on top. I made an amazing group of friends (SHOUT OUT TO ALL YA'LL I SURE DO LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU) made Dean's list, and most of all, made a new home. 

Being away really changes your perspective on life. It forces you to grow in yourself and others. It tests you, and makes you ask yourself "Is this really what I need to be doing? Am I suppose to be here? Is this right?" You no longer have the shadow of parents over-looking your shoulders and guiding you. The only person guiding you is YOU. And that's a huge thing! For once in your life, you're completely your own life jacket, and it's sink or swim. Thankfully my parents made me take some swim lessons as a child. 

Being back and entering a new year has made me realize a lot of things about myself and my life. Being back made me realize that I'm okay with not going to every single party while I'm here; that I'm okay with not seeing or talking to my friends 24/7; that hanging out with my parents and family is actually extremely enjoyable and rewarding; that sometimes your siblings can be a best friend in hiding, and that people can change and that's okay. 

While packing to leave I finally came to terms with myself, that this time, it's more of a "goodbye" then a "see you later". While moving on with my life, and taking on new adventures and responsibilities, I guess I forgot about the fact leaving from this break is a last time "truly home", at least for a while. Choosing, at least hopefully, to find a new path over the summer was too exciting, and I never took the time to really enjoy the fact, this is no longer my life. I didn't take the time all break to stand on my porch and breathe in the fresh, crisp air. I didn't take time to watch the alpenglow on the mountain light the snow orange. I didn't take the time to appreciate "rush hour traffic" being no more than 10 minutes long, because lets be real, Steamboat only takes maybe 15 minutes to get from one side to the other with no traffic. But I also didn't take the time to really appreciate the relationships I have here that I'm more or less saying a goodbye to then see you later. 

For all of you out here who just panicked. DO NOT FEAR!! I WILL BE BACK! But it wont be for a while. June it's looking like, but that's still a long time from now. Moving on in life is probably one of the most beautiful things that could happen. Don't get me wrong, leaving everything behind and starting anew isn't what I'm encouraging. . . But being okay with goodbyes over see you laters is kind of riveting, and well needed in life sometimes. I guess looking back on my year, and even life in this small little colorado town, I've finally found peace in goodbyes, and that's a beautiful thing I think. 

However, for now, I will not say goodbye to you; But rather a very long and extended "See you later". Despite what my heart knows, wants, and needs. . . There will be always be a constant little reminder and smile remembering the fond memories I've had here, and the ones I've yet to make somewhere else. 

Happy 2014 everyone :) Let's make this a good one. 

NOTE: 

15,000 page view you guys!?!?!?! GAH I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you so so so much for your support, and for actually reading my blog! Can't wait to entice your reading senses with more for this coming year!! XOXO <3 KEEP READING AND ROCKING ON! 

Love-

Me :) 

The College Code - More Like Guidelines Than Actual Rules

She's Alive

Hello readers :) Sorry I've been gone for so long! I've been adapting to my new, and exciting college lifestyle. As some of you may know, I'm attending the absolutely stunning University of Colorado, and it is better than I could ever imagine. However, when it comes to boys lets just put it simply: In the words of Dorothy, "We're not in High School Anymore"

As my first month here is coming to an end, I've started to learn and adopt some major guidelines when it comes to dealing with guys and girls (if you're a guy) in college. I've taken my newly found knowledge and broken it down! Here are some Do's and Don'ts for you! 

THE DOS & DON'TS OF COLLEGE GIRL/GUY ACTION

DO-Flirt with Random Guys/Girls at Parties- 

Majority of the time you're probably not going to see them again, or sometimes even remember them. Find someone that catches your eye and let lose a little! College is a time when you're free of your parents, free of previous judgements. You're starting a fresh slate, and that random person at a party is a good way to get yourself back out there. 

DON'T-Hookup with Said Random Guy/Girl at Party (on the first night) 

Yes, College is a beautiful place, where promiscuity is raging like it's Thursday night on the hill (Boulder reference), But hold off for a little while. If you're actually digging on this person, give them a kiss goodnight, exchange your numbers, whatever you wanna do. But don't be that girl or guy whose gonna be walking home with someone other than your friends or designated escort. A lot of times your judgement is going to be blurred, so be careful with what you're giving out there. And if you're at a frat; Don't be a "Frat Rat". 

DO-Have Fun in Your Dorm Room - 

Break in your room. Twin beds are extremely small to snuggle in but it's do-able. You finally have privacy! Sort of... (BE SURE TO WARN YOUR ROOMMATES!) If you're like me, and your parents never let you have sleepovers with your boyfriends, now is the time to get those moments back. What's better than spooning??? Yeah, Nothing I'm pretty sure. Okay a couple things. But it's still up there! Bring people home (after you've known them alright, lets not get to excited here) Have some fun, live a little! You're only in college, and even the dorms once. Make it memorable. 

DON'T-Leave Your Windows or Blinds Open if You Bring Someone Home - 

Don't make that mistake. You'll regret it for a very long time. Ha. 

DO-Make a Bucket List- 

Find places, scenarios, songs, etc. Life is suppose to be adventurous and spontaneous! Find that romantic place on campus, or walk up to that random person at a concert. If that song you always imagined making out with someone too comes on, for gods sake do it! I got to cross that one off at the most recent concert I was at. It was epic. So, I encourage you to do the same! 

DON'T-Hookup with Someone While Your Roommate is in the Room- 

I don't care how hard of a sleeper they are! Unless your room is absolutely ginormous and there's "space to breathe" write a little code on your board, shoot them a text, warn them! Imagine if they woke up, do you really want an audience? Keep it to yourself! I know for one I do NOT want to be a part of that at all. Uh-Uh,  No Thank you. Even if they're passed out, and don't wake up for anything. That's still freaking awkward on both ends. And then imagine if they found out- or worse. Woke up. Now that would be weird. Keep it in your pants for alone time. At least in the dorms. 

DO-Text/Call Someone You're Interested In/ Hooked-up With- 

Just because it's college doesn't mean everything should just be random. Call them back, hang out. See if there is something more to it. If you have a good time together, or had a good time together, you shouldn't just push it away for the fear of committing. If anything they could end up being a really good friend!

DON'T-Go Crazy about it Though- 

Be friendly, shoot them a hello. If they don't respond, It's college!! Unless you've put time and energy in this person, you'll probably find someone new later that night or in a couple days. Seriously. Calm down. There's thousands of people out there you're going to meet. 

DO-Try A Long Distance Relationship (If you're in one/thinking about it)-  

If you two were meant to be together, then despite how hard it is, things will always work out the way they're suppose to. Keep in contact, hopefully it's easier to see each other more regularly then not. Sometimes it can work out! I have faith in you people! 

DON'T-Exile Yourself From The World Due to Your Long Distance Relationship - 

College is about new experiences, new starts, new friends, and finding yourself. You will be meeting hundreds to thousands of people. Even though you're in a committed relationship, it doesn't mean you should be a hermit from the world. Talk to girls/guys- go to lunch or parties together. You'll never know what you're missing out on until you let yourself live a little. You might find out that what you're experiencing in your new life is better for you then trying to live in the past. 

DO-Have the Time of Your Life and Don't Regret!- 

Things in life happen, and college is the time in your life to be free, and wild. Be safe and cautious about your decisions. . . But do the things that make you happy! Relax and enjoy this amazing ride that we've gotten the opportunity to experience. 

Lastly --- On a side note --- always wear a life jacket. You never know whats running in that river. (:

The Language of Love

I love you. Ti Amo. Je T'aime. S'agapo. Te Quiero. Ich Libe Dich. 

No matter what language you speak, The phrase "I love you" is probably the most powerful of them all. The word love has no context, yet so much context at the same time. It's a word we cherish- fantasize about. 

But. . . Love is more than just a word. It's a feeling, a state of being. It's a euphoric content-ness with someone or something other than yourself. It's so broad, and I think it's really amazing. 

Sure you can love things like food or your favorite TV show. You love your family and your friends just as much as you would love your significant lover; It's just in different ways. LIKE THERE'S SO MANY TYPES OF LOVE!! 

My friends and I tell each other we love each other all the time. Am I in love with my friends? Absolutely not. But if you really think about it, it's crazy how much we can care about people other than ourselves. I would do anything for some of my friends. It's really amazing, with mine, we're all so close, and there's about 14 of us give or take a few. THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE! But I never give it a second thought when we say "Bye love you." It's just a fact. It's the same as if they were looking smoking and one of us said "Oh boo you look great tonight." Second nature. But why then,  do things change drastically when it comes to being In love? 

My mother always told me that when I fell in love it would be nothing but rainbows and sunshine. As cliche as that sounds, I believe her one-hundred percent. At the moment, I have no expertise really in that department, but seeing people I know, it's a completely accurate statement. 

They're happy. Nothing ever goes wrong. When I see people and they're fighting all the time, or getting in arguments, but state they're in love, I can't help but shake my head. Love is when you see the person for who they are, and it's unconditional. The things they do that aggravate you shouldn't even be relevant. Hell, there shouldn't even be things that aggravate you for a while. It's not love when you're fighting all the time, or there are bumps on the road. That's infatuation. It's similar feeling, but as a whole it's sooooo different. 

Infatuation is what people think is love. You're enamored with the person, but there are still things that drive you crazy. I've been infatuated with people before. It's an amazing feeling. I thought it was love too. But as you take time away you'll realize it wasn't. I have so many friends and people tell me "I think I'm in love with them Lies." But then later that afternoon they're fighting again. Or friends tell me "I'm in love with them, but they don't feel the same." You aren't in love! Infatuation is what makes "Love" one sided or when you feel in love with someone, and they don't reciprocate the same feelings. 

Love isn't one sided. You can disagree with me all you want on that statement, but It's not. You can't be in love with someone if they aren't in love with you. I've learned that. The euphoric content-ness has to be equal between both parties. There have been times I thought I was in love with people. Times I remember not being able to hold my excitement. I gossiped to my girlfriends about it. But then I realized they didn't feel as strongly as I did; and I'll tell you what, I sobered up from those feelings faster than you can say potassium. The fact they didn't feel the exact same way I did brought me out of the high, and fast. 

That's why I believe you should never say "I love you" unless your certain. With friends it's different. But when it comes to relationship, the three word phrase, can completely change the game. Love is a feeling you'll know when it arrives; Like a big red truck as I always say. It just hits you. My sister and her current boyfriend knew they were in love maybe three weeks into seeing each other? And they've been together approaching four years now. When you know you know. But don't tell someone you love them if you don't. It can ruin a lot of things. Scare people away, and make them feel uncomfortable. But don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to scare you into never saying it! But just make sure you're ready. Take time and think about it. Love is a beautiful thing. But if there is any other feelings going on beside total happiness, Evaluate and hold off from 1-4-3. 

I'm a very loving person. Sometimes the love inside my friendship makes me want to cry from happiness. If I love you, even just as a person, I'm going to tell you. I will say "Bye I love you!" Or laugh and say "Ha... I love you." But doing that one night, really ruined a relationship of mine. It drove them away. Although I didn't mean it in that scary "I'm in love with you way" They took it that way. It was hard, but maybe it was needed. I was completely infatuated. Sometimes I did feel the L word creeping in, but I knew neither of us were ready for a commitment like that. But then saying it one night leaving a friends house,  the hug grew stiff, the words were jumbled in response. 

My point is, Love people. Tell them you love them. But don't tell them you're In Love With Them unless you are 100% positive you are. And if you're in a relationship and love them as a person, if you want to express that, clarify what you mean so it doesn't confuse anything. 

I love you is powerful. Use it wisely. 

Behind Enemy Lines

Raise your hand if you've ever had an Ex! In this moment I just imagined the gymnasium from Mean Girls when Tina Fay asked if anyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George,

(Which, NBD, I found a gif) ^^ And; if you haven't seen Mean Girls and don't know what I'm talking about  you should. . . because it's a fantastic movie. My gosh that thing is distracting! Look past it! Focus on the words! Anyways the real point of that whole ramble, was because everyone has had an ex, just like how everyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George. Maybe, your ex was like Regina George, and now I feel bad for you. But this is beside the point, I'll sympathize with you later.

The point of this is that I'm finally calling myself out, and by doing that I'm calling you out too. 

DO. NOT. SLEEP/HOOKUP. WITH. YOUR. EX. and if you are. STOP. SLEEPING/HOOKING UP. WITH. YOUR. EX

What? What did she just say? Yes. STOP er uh DO NOT if you aren't. This is baaaaaaaaaaad. Capital B A D bad. (My gosh this is a lot of capital letters. Maybe because it's important!!) 

The first step in resolving a problem, is admitting you have one. I admit, I have had this issue, and if you're reading this, 90% chance is that you have too! Yay, we aren't alone! 

Now that we're past this awkward moment of bringing it out in the open, let's talk about it. 

When you break up with someone, it's obviously for a certain reason. Maybe it was just time, or they cheated (See previous blogs) maybe you cheated, maybe they just aren't who you thought they were. There are plenty of reasons; But it's a reason non the less! 

Just because you still have care in your heart for the person doesn't mean they got moved off the totem poll from significant other to friends with benefits. If they're going down, they're going down pretty far. 

I've briefly touched on this in a previous blog, but I was requested to expand, and I'm having writers block/material on all my other ideas. This one, however, this one I shaming-ly have a slight advantage in. 

I think people find it's okay to sleep with an ex for many reasons. Maybe they don't want to "raise their number" or because they've been in a relationship, they know how the other person works, and how the job, so to speak, will get done.

However, I don't think what people take into account is the emotional attachment. "No we're broken up it's totally fine, we're over each other" Yeah. You think that. Or more or less, you Like to think that. NOOOOOOOO You still obviously have feelings! And if you don't, then they're gonna come back, and you're going to be a big confused mess.

Unless you can be completely no strings attached with the person, then it's going to be really hard after sometime. You might be over them now, but everyone knows hooking up and sleeping together digs up a completely new realm of feelings. And who even knows if there can be no strings attached with anyone! If you can do it, then by all means, disregard everything i'm saying.. although keep reading cause it'll give you a laugh, but unless you've mastered that, Maybe Reconsider.

Not to mention, there could be unfortunate events that happen to you because you decide to participate in activities like this.......

STORY TIME!

A previous Ex of mine and I, tended to get together every once in a while after we had broken up. We had remained very close friends, and it was casual to hang out. But every so often, we would get caught up in that moment of laughing over something, or those pauses, and you know exactly what I'm talking about here. Those pauses where you're both thinking the same thing, and slowly but surely it ends up in those good old, 30 second make outs sesh. Where you take them from there is completely your own decision but chances are, they don't always stop there.


Doing things like this had later lead to me sneaking him into my parents home over Christmas break after a party. I had a bad night with my friends, and we ended up on the balcony of the hotel room where the party was hosted. It  initially had lead to a brief kiss, and then progressed. "Lets get out of here" would be the ideal phrase that was said. Or at least something along those lines. I had taken every precaution not to get caught. I turned the lights off of my car when I pulled into the driveway, and we even closed our car doors at the same time to make sure there wasn't multiple slams. We quietly snuck into my basement, and he went straight into my room as I went up into my parents room to tell them I was home. I snuck back downstairs, into my room, and locked the door. We whispered when we talked, it was as if a mouse was living in my room, and not a teenage girl. We would have almost gotten away with it, except he was getting over a mean bronchitis he'd had for months. That is when the coughing started. And people, let me tell you, these could not be mistaken for girly coughs unfortunately, and they were loud. I quickly sprung over and covered his mouth.
"My gosh! SSSSSSHHHHHHH"
"I'm sorry!" He whispered between coughs. "I can't breathe!"
"YOU'RE BEING SO LOUD!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
The coughing continued, no efforts to be muffled. Unbelievable.
When they had stopped, we continued to make an escape plan. Then all of a sudden, there were light taps on my door. The fear crossed both of our faces as we looked at each other and then the door. He moved to a corner of my room farthest from the door.
"Lies...." Oh. God.
"....Yeah Mom...?'
"You know what....."
".....Okay..."

Yes, we were caught by my mother. She had forgotten if I had checked in or not, and came downstairs. When she had gotten to my door she heard the coughing, and panicked. We had both gotten a bit of a lecture in the single-lamp lit family room at 3 am that night; Sent back into my room to retrieve our things, and I drove him back to his car. We laughed about it the whole time, but safe to be said, that was the end of that shenanigans. I haven't told anyone about that until now. And yet, I don't know why. It's hysterical. If you know me at all, you would know I have the worst luck ever, and of course this would happen to me.

So moral of the story: Not only will doing things like this lead you to be caught by your mother at 3 am over Christmas, but It could also lead to emotional attachments.

Yes.. This is the real message

A different ex had proclaimed he was in love with me after we hung out a couple times before he moved away, and we had a good bye kiss. I was sitting in bed one night, and then randomly I received a text message on my phone.
'I love you'
WHAT?! No, You can't love me. You didn't before
'Yes, I'm inlove with you'
NO. NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.

And as much as I cared about him as a friend, It was really hard to deal with the fact I couldn't say the three words back. I'm not the girl who will say things I don't mean. I will never tell someone I'm in love with them if I'm not. And so far, I haven't been in love, so I'm still waiting.
And of course it ruined the friendship we had worked so hard on.

As much as being back together physically with an ex seems like a good idea, just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. You obviously broke up for a reason, and you should keep that reason. Unless you are still both completely head over heels for one another and are on the road of recovery, Move on.

After the Christmas incident, I finally became intuned with the fact, I had zero feelings in that manner. Basically my mother gave the ultimatum of  "Get your sh*t together and get back together, or stop doing this" and as if not thinking about it, we decided the second. It wouldn't work out again, and we both knew it. And now, there are no underlying-unresolved feelings or confusion. It's a solid friendship again. It's great. KEEP YOURS THAT WAY PLEASEEEEEE. DON'T BE LIKE ME.

And not in the offensive way, like that it was a horrible idea to do that, it wasn't. But it wasn't healthy. Whether he knew it or not, I spent time on it after wondering what the meaning was behind it. What he thought, why were were doing that. And as soon as we decided to stop it ALL, I stopped feeling insecure in the friendship we had. I knew we were meant to be great friends, and I'm happy to report it's stayed like that.

Find someone new! Keep your ex in your life if they were/are important to you, they make great friends, advice givers, and shoulders to cry on. They understand you, your needs, and things you need to work on. But they do not make good hookups, It just takes you 3 steps back in your progress.

Maybe He's Just Not That Into You

Holy 2500 page views since March? You guys are awesome :) Anyways I want to say Happy Summer! I have been a crazy busy lady, as I assume most of you have been as well. Well maybe not the lady part, but you know what I mean!

As we kick off-ish the summer, I thought it was only appropriate to touch on a subject close to home. Not to mention you're now headed into another brand new part of your life. New classes, new friends, new schools, new adventures. Out with the old and in with the new! But a little prerequisite advice never hurt anyone, did it? No, I didn't think so either. Anyways, here we go! And like always, sorry it's been a while.

Maybe... 

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Hi. This one is souly dedicated to you. We have all had our share of man candy, as one might say. As women we luckily have a little step up from the guys on the level that it's  easier for us to grab some guy's attention in some way or another. We're mysterious creatures, and guys find that intriguing about us, so usually, that alone is a little bit of bait. However, once you've got them hooked, how do you know when he's dying to go back to the sea? Well if you don't, or still have some trouble figuring it out, I am going to break it down for you. Mainly because you're my girls, and I love you. . . (and also, I don't want you to be that desperate-clingy girl that can't take a hint. No one wants to see a girl struggle like that. I don't care who you are.) 

For guys, it's all about the chase. Whether they admit it, believe it, or not. . . it is. Now I'm not singling you men out there out. . . Everybody does it. Everybody wants what they can't have. It goes back to biblical times my friend. Eve couldn't resist the apple, it's engraved into our system. But I think as women we like to have the chase, and once they've proven their stamina, we then slow our pace. Now don't get me wrong, that is not a bad thing at all, but I'm just warning, that can be a downfall to some point. 

When a guy starts losing interest in us, we go into a bit of a panic mode. What did I do wrong? Why isn't he responding? He totally loves what's her face now! Mer Mer Mer. GIRL. Calm down  pa-lease. It's not you. . . really. . . sometimes it is. . . but it's not you! People lose focus, go through phases, test drives. It's natural. He's obviously not your prince charming if he didn't decide to stick around. But any of the way, I know it's hard. I've been there, and because I have (many times), I have put together all my knowledge and experience to give you some guidelines on how to tell, and how you should react. 

So Waaaalllaaaaa!! 

Signs he is NOT interested: 

1. He stops returning your calls, texts, messages, etc:

This one can be a little tricky at times. If you're having great conversation(s) and all of a sudden he stops. . . Do not panic. Take a moment and breathe. Put your phone, computer, whatever it is you're using to talk to this guy down and away. You will do something drastic and crazy if you don't. 

Reason/step number 1: If he says he's busy, or mentions that he has something big going on, he probably just doesn't have the time, or mental focus to make you a priority at the moment. Give it a day, maybe two depending on how often you talk, and then send something. If you still receive no reply then we go to. . .

Reason/step number 2: He is losing interest in you. Don't take it too personally, you are probably just not what he's looking for (but it doesn't mean you aren't someone else's). You gave it a little test drive, and he realized he wanted the Ford F150 and not the Chevy Tahoe. I don't know. It's just his preference. It's not your fault and you shouldn't go to crazy and desperate lengths to talk to him. Here is my advice: I give him 5-7 days depending on his initial communication skills. If he's already a bad communicator, I tend to give a little grace and go for the 7, but if he's an Eager Eddy, and would usually send you morning texts, calls, etc, then take it down to 5. If you're not wanting to seem like that obsessive, crazy, clingy girl we mentioned earlier, the fact you are texting him every day and multiple times is not going to help your case against that. . . or help at all. If anything it's going to annoy him more, and you're going to look desperate. 

Enjoy your life, do other things, and if he still hasn't taken the time to talk to your beautiful self, then say Sayonara to that guy and go find yourself someone better. Yeah he's cute and his morning texts were adorable and made you smile; but he's moved on, and so should you.

2. He Starts Spending A Lot of Time With His Friends:

Okay, this is only relevant if you two are basically, or actually, together. If you're spending a bunch of time together, and then all of a sudden he decides he's going to spend two solid weeks with his dudes and not you. . . Perhaps you should start unpacking the ice cream. If a guy is balancing you with his friends, or explains that he's been missing out on some stuff, then by all means, let the man go! You shouldn't be the complete priority of his time, and he shouldn't be the complete priority of your time either. A relationship is healthy when both sides feel comfortable being apart and with other people (Friends here, not friends with benefits *cough cough*). However, if he is now just balancing dude time with dude time, get some bubble wrap, and prepare yourself for the crash landing :(

3. He uses cliche lines with you:

Oh honey. If he starts telling you "You're such a great friend" or "I need me time" .......Do I really need to say more? Just.. Just take a moment. Yeah. GTFO. There is no reason for you to be spending your pretty little time in that. You basically just got told he isn't interested. Don't think that he just needs time to himself. Time to himself my butt! Yeah time to himself with the other girl from the party last Friday. . . yeah. . . time to himself. If you're here, keep your beautiful chin high, because he obviously doesn't know what he walked out on. Pick up your pride, and leave. There is no other moral justification for you to stay anymore. Show him what he's missing out on. 

Speed Round Rules:

1. Do not over communicate. Yes, 8 text messages in a row is too much and too crazy. 

2. Take your time. Let him chase you, and keep giving him reasons too

3. Keep it exciting. Don't get in the same boring conversations. Find new subjects, etc. 

4. Make sure Dude-time and You-time are equal

5. Get out if he uses one liners. 

6. Stay updated with what he's doing. But do not stalk. It's creepy. 

7. Be the amazing woman you are. Don't change for a guy who changed his mind. 

8. Keep your menus open (especially if you're single)

9. It's not your fault. It's just his preference

10. Know when to swallow your pride and move on