How to be friends with your Ex's 101:
Seriously, this should be an actual course, because mastering it can be difficult as. . . we all know what sometimes. I think everyone secretly wants to hate their ex on some level just because it helps with the disappointment things didn't work out. But truth is? Being friends works out in the long run, and actually makes you feel better.
I think the reason some of us get so depressed over break-ups is not only because we lost someone we cared about, but we also lost a friend. It's really hard to just date someone without building a friendship first, and when it doesn't work out, we lose the friendship too. Well not anymore! I've managed to stay friends with most of my "ex's" and I'm pretty damn proud of that!
So many of my girlfriends ask me, "Ugh, Why are you still friends with him? I could never do that. I don't want to be friends, mer mer mer." That's probably why I'm a lot happier and more confident about my love life than you.
Trying to be friends with your ex takes some time and effort. A lot of times I thought to myself "Is this even worth it?" and almost gave up, but the fact I stuck it out, made all the difference in the world. Truthfully, I'm almost better friends with some of my ex's than I am with my girlfriends. So that is a huge wake up call! It can be done!!
The biggest thing you're going to need is time. Time is essential. You can't break up with someone and then 5 minutes later go back to being friends, I wish you could do that, but you can't. Life isn't that way. I had to take almost two months to really feel like my ex and I were okay, and on stable ground for continuing the friendship. We broke up, and the first couple of weeks, as accepting as I was of the fact we broke up, I can't say I wasn't over it. He then left on a trip for a month, and I spent that month hanging out with other guys and my friends. I was doing me. The fact I didn't have to see him, or hear about him every day made it easy to move on. By the time he returned I was excited, but on a friendly level. I had started seeing other people, spending time with my friends, it was great! And he and I were actually back to being like we were before we dated, hanging out and talking on a regular basis.
Another thing you need to do is actually move on! Find other people! I think people miss this step because they're afraid of hurting the others feelings. [Yeah, it's kind of a bummer or makes you uncomfortable when they finally take a step in the other direction, but that means they're wanting you to do the same]. Friends who are ex's who don't want what's best for the other, aren't good friends. It's going to be hard and knock the winds out of their sails a little when someone new rolls around, but just know it's almost a cue for them. You're saying to them: "It's okay you move on too." I was actually excited for my friend/ex when he got a new girlfriend-thing. If you're a real friend, or trying to be, you want them to be happy! So be encouraging, and talk to them about it! Because when one of you starts moving on, the other is going to be curious how it's going.
The last thing, is reassure and TALK to them! When you say you're friends and then don't talk or hang out, it kind of defeats and contradicts the purpose. Why are you going to be friends, if you're not going to do friendly things? I still have a lot of fun with my ex's and it's never awkward. We dated, we should be pretty comfortable around one another. Make plans to go see a movie, or hang out. I don't see what the big deal is? You do it with all your other friends! Include them into things and let them know you still want to be apart of their life. If you get that feeling they don't really understand the "friendship" then reassure them you still want to be friends. Go to a concert together, go get lunch. Do something! If you state your friends, and don't act like it, then you're fooling yourself, and you aren't really friends.
So for those of you who say you can't be friends with your exs. FALSE. I am friends with almost every single one of mine. It takes time and effort. You can't just be like "It's over, let's be friends. Hey wanna go get doughnuts?" No! But you can work yourself back up to that point. And what you realize when you get there is almost how much better friends you are after dating. I visit mine at college, go hang out on the weekends, and talk to them on a pretty regular basis. And I believe I am a truly happier person because of it, so I hope you take my advice, so you can be truly happy as well :)
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