The Language of Love

I love you. Ti Amo. Je T'aime. S'agapo. Te Quiero. Ich Libe Dich. 

No matter what language you speak, The phrase "I love you" is probably the most powerful of them all. The word love has no context, yet so much context at the same time. It's a word we cherish- fantasize about. 

But. . . Love is more than just a word. It's a feeling, a state of being. It's a euphoric content-ness with someone or something other than yourself. It's so broad, and I think it's really amazing. 

Sure you can love things like food or your favorite TV show. You love your family and your friends just as much as you would love your significant lover; It's just in different ways. LIKE THERE'S SO MANY TYPES OF LOVE!! 

My friends and I tell each other we love each other all the time. Am I in love with my friends? Absolutely not. But if you really think about it, it's crazy how much we can care about people other than ourselves. I would do anything for some of my friends. It's really amazing, with mine, we're all so close, and there's about 14 of us give or take a few. THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE! But I never give it a second thought when we say "Bye love you." It's just a fact. It's the same as if they were looking smoking and one of us said "Oh boo you look great tonight." Second nature. But why then,  do things change drastically when it comes to being In love? 

My mother always told me that when I fell in love it would be nothing but rainbows and sunshine. As cliche as that sounds, I believe her one-hundred percent. At the moment, I have no expertise really in that department, but seeing people I know, it's a completely accurate statement. 

They're happy. Nothing ever goes wrong. When I see people and they're fighting all the time, or getting in arguments, but state they're in love, I can't help but shake my head. Love is when you see the person for who they are, and it's unconditional. The things they do that aggravate you shouldn't even be relevant. Hell, there shouldn't even be things that aggravate you for a while. It's not love when you're fighting all the time, or there are bumps on the road. That's infatuation. It's similar feeling, but as a whole it's sooooo different. 

Infatuation is what people think is love. You're enamored with the person, but there are still things that drive you crazy. I've been infatuated with people before. It's an amazing feeling. I thought it was love too. But as you take time away you'll realize it wasn't. I have so many friends and people tell me "I think I'm in love with them Lies." But then later that afternoon they're fighting again. Or friends tell me "I'm in love with them, but they don't feel the same." You aren't in love! Infatuation is what makes "Love" one sided or when you feel in love with someone, and they don't reciprocate the same feelings. 

Love isn't one sided. You can disagree with me all you want on that statement, but It's not. You can't be in love with someone if they aren't in love with you. I've learned that. The euphoric content-ness has to be equal between both parties. There have been times I thought I was in love with people. Times I remember not being able to hold my excitement. I gossiped to my girlfriends about it. But then I realized they didn't feel as strongly as I did; and I'll tell you what, I sobered up from those feelings faster than you can say potassium. The fact they didn't feel the exact same way I did brought me out of the high, and fast. 

That's why I believe you should never say "I love you" unless your certain. With friends it's different. But when it comes to relationship, the three word phrase, can completely change the game. Love is a feeling you'll know when it arrives; Like a big red truck as I always say. It just hits you. My sister and her current boyfriend knew they were in love maybe three weeks into seeing each other? And they've been together approaching four years now. When you know you know. But don't tell someone you love them if you don't. It can ruin a lot of things. Scare people away, and make them feel uncomfortable. But don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to scare you into never saying it! But just make sure you're ready. Take time and think about it. Love is a beautiful thing. But if there is any other feelings going on beside total happiness, Evaluate and hold off from 1-4-3. 

I'm a very loving person. Sometimes the love inside my friendship makes me want to cry from happiness. If I love you, even just as a person, I'm going to tell you. I will say "Bye I love you!" Or laugh and say "Ha... I love you." But doing that one night, really ruined a relationship of mine. It drove them away. Although I didn't mean it in that scary "I'm in love with you way" They took it that way. It was hard, but maybe it was needed. I was completely infatuated. Sometimes I did feel the L word creeping in, but I knew neither of us were ready for a commitment like that. But then saying it one night leaving a friends house,  the hug grew stiff, the words were jumbled in response. 

My point is, Love people. Tell them you love them. But don't tell them you're In Love With Them unless you are 100% positive you are. And if you're in a relationship and love them as a person, if you want to express that, clarify what you mean so it doesn't confuse anything. 

I love you is powerful. Use it wisely. 

Behind Enemy Lines

Raise your hand if you've ever had an Ex! In this moment I just imagined the gymnasium from Mean Girls when Tina Fay asked if anyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George,

(Which, NBD, I found a gif) ^^ And; if you haven't seen Mean Girls and don't know what I'm talking about  you should. . . because it's a fantastic movie. My gosh that thing is distracting! Look past it! Focus on the words! Anyways the real point of that whole ramble, was because everyone has had an ex, just like how everyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George. Maybe, your ex was like Regina George, and now I feel bad for you. But this is beside the point, I'll sympathize with you later.

The point of this is that I'm finally calling myself out, and by doing that I'm calling you out too. 

DO. NOT. SLEEP/HOOKUP. WITH. YOUR. EX. and if you are. STOP. SLEEPING/HOOKING UP. WITH. YOUR. EX

What? What did she just say? Yes. STOP er uh DO NOT if you aren't. This is baaaaaaaaaaad. Capital B A D bad. (My gosh this is a lot of capital letters. Maybe because it's important!!) 

The first step in resolving a problem, is admitting you have one. I admit, I have had this issue, and if you're reading this, 90% chance is that you have too! Yay, we aren't alone! 

Now that we're past this awkward moment of bringing it out in the open, let's talk about it. 

When you break up with someone, it's obviously for a certain reason. Maybe it was just time, or they cheated (See previous blogs) maybe you cheated, maybe they just aren't who you thought they were. There are plenty of reasons; But it's a reason non the less! 

Just because you still have care in your heart for the person doesn't mean they got moved off the totem poll from significant other to friends with benefits. If they're going down, they're going down pretty far. 

I've briefly touched on this in a previous blog, but I was requested to expand, and I'm having writers block/material on all my other ideas. This one, however, this one I shaming-ly have a slight advantage in. 

I think people find it's okay to sleep with an ex for many reasons. Maybe they don't want to "raise their number" or because they've been in a relationship, they know how the other person works, and how the job, so to speak, will get done.

However, I don't think what people take into account is the emotional attachment. "No we're broken up it's totally fine, we're over each other" Yeah. You think that. Or more or less, you Like to think that. NOOOOOOOO You still obviously have feelings! And if you don't, then they're gonna come back, and you're going to be a big confused mess.

Unless you can be completely no strings attached with the person, then it's going to be really hard after sometime. You might be over them now, but everyone knows hooking up and sleeping together digs up a completely new realm of feelings. And who even knows if there can be no strings attached with anyone! If you can do it, then by all means, disregard everything i'm saying.. although keep reading cause it'll give you a laugh, but unless you've mastered that, Maybe Reconsider.

Not to mention, there could be unfortunate events that happen to you because you decide to participate in activities like this.......

STORY TIME!

A previous Ex of mine and I, tended to get together every once in a while after we had broken up. We had remained very close friends, and it was casual to hang out. But every so often, we would get caught up in that moment of laughing over something, or those pauses, and you know exactly what I'm talking about here. Those pauses where you're both thinking the same thing, and slowly but surely it ends up in those good old, 30 second make outs sesh. Where you take them from there is completely your own decision but chances are, they don't always stop there.


Doing things like this had later lead to me sneaking him into my parents home over Christmas break after a party. I had a bad night with my friends, and we ended up on the balcony of the hotel room where the party was hosted. It  initially had lead to a brief kiss, and then progressed. "Lets get out of here" would be the ideal phrase that was said. Or at least something along those lines. I had taken every precaution not to get caught. I turned the lights off of my car when I pulled into the driveway, and we even closed our car doors at the same time to make sure there wasn't multiple slams. We quietly snuck into my basement, and he went straight into my room as I went up into my parents room to tell them I was home. I snuck back downstairs, into my room, and locked the door. We whispered when we talked, it was as if a mouse was living in my room, and not a teenage girl. We would have almost gotten away with it, except he was getting over a mean bronchitis he'd had for months. That is when the coughing started. And people, let me tell you, these could not be mistaken for girly coughs unfortunately, and they were loud. I quickly sprung over and covered his mouth.
"My gosh! SSSSSSHHHHHHH"
"I'm sorry!" He whispered between coughs. "I can't breathe!"
"YOU'RE BEING SO LOUD!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
The coughing continued, no efforts to be muffled. Unbelievable.
When they had stopped, we continued to make an escape plan. Then all of a sudden, there were light taps on my door. The fear crossed both of our faces as we looked at each other and then the door. He moved to a corner of my room farthest from the door.
"Lies...." Oh. God.
"....Yeah Mom...?'
"You know what....."
".....Okay..."

Yes, we were caught by my mother. She had forgotten if I had checked in or not, and came downstairs. When she had gotten to my door she heard the coughing, and panicked. We had both gotten a bit of a lecture in the single-lamp lit family room at 3 am that night; Sent back into my room to retrieve our things, and I drove him back to his car. We laughed about it the whole time, but safe to be said, that was the end of that shenanigans. I haven't told anyone about that until now. And yet, I don't know why. It's hysterical. If you know me at all, you would know I have the worst luck ever, and of course this would happen to me.

So moral of the story: Not only will doing things like this lead you to be caught by your mother at 3 am over Christmas, but It could also lead to emotional attachments.

Yes.. This is the real message

A different ex had proclaimed he was in love with me after we hung out a couple times before he moved away, and we had a good bye kiss. I was sitting in bed one night, and then randomly I received a text message on my phone.
'I love you'
WHAT?! No, You can't love me. You didn't before
'Yes, I'm inlove with you'
NO. NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.

And as much as I cared about him as a friend, It was really hard to deal with the fact I couldn't say the three words back. I'm not the girl who will say things I don't mean. I will never tell someone I'm in love with them if I'm not. And so far, I haven't been in love, so I'm still waiting.
And of course it ruined the friendship we had worked so hard on.

As much as being back together physically with an ex seems like a good idea, just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. You obviously broke up for a reason, and you should keep that reason. Unless you are still both completely head over heels for one another and are on the road of recovery, Move on.

After the Christmas incident, I finally became intuned with the fact, I had zero feelings in that manner. Basically my mother gave the ultimatum of  "Get your sh*t together and get back together, or stop doing this" and as if not thinking about it, we decided the second. It wouldn't work out again, and we both knew it. And now, there are no underlying-unresolved feelings or confusion. It's a solid friendship again. It's great. KEEP YOURS THAT WAY PLEASEEEEEE. DON'T BE LIKE ME.

And not in the offensive way, like that it was a horrible idea to do that, it wasn't. But it wasn't healthy. Whether he knew it or not, I spent time on it after wondering what the meaning was behind it. What he thought, why were were doing that. And as soon as we decided to stop it ALL, I stopped feeling insecure in the friendship we had. I knew we were meant to be great friends, and I'm happy to report it's stayed like that.

Find someone new! Keep your ex in your life if they were/are important to you, they make great friends, advice givers, and shoulders to cry on. They understand you, your needs, and things you need to work on. But they do not make good hookups, It just takes you 3 steps back in your progress.

Maybe He's Just Not That Into You

Holy 2500 page views since March? You guys are awesome :) Anyways I want to say Happy Summer! I have been a crazy busy lady, as I assume most of you have been as well. Well maybe not the lady part, but you know what I mean!

As we kick off-ish the summer, I thought it was only appropriate to touch on a subject close to home. Not to mention you're now headed into another brand new part of your life. New classes, new friends, new schools, new adventures. Out with the old and in with the new! But a little prerequisite advice never hurt anyone, did it? No, I didn't think so either. Anyways, here we go! And like always, sorry it's been a while.

Maybe... 

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Hi. This one is souly dedicated to you. We have all had our share of man candy, as one might say. As women we luckily have a little step up from the guys on the level that it's  easier for us to grab some guy's attention in some way or another. We're mysterious creatures, and guys find that intriguing about us, so usually, that alone is a little bit of bait. However, once you've got them hooked, how do you know when he's dying to go back to the sea? Well if you don't, or still have some trouble figuring it out, I am going to break it down for you. Mainly because you're my girls, and I love you. . . (and also, I don't want you to be that desperate-clingy girl that can't take a hint. No one wants to see a girl struggle like that. I don't care who you are.) 

For guys, it's all about the chase. Whether they admit it, believe it, or not. . . it is. Now I'm not singling you men out there out. . . Everybody does it. Everybody wants what they can't have. It goes back to biblical times my friend. Eve couldn't resist the apple, it's engraved into our system. But I think as women we like to have the chase, and once they've proven their stamina, we then slow our pace. Now don't get me wrong, that is not a bad thing at all, but I'm just warning, that can be a downfall to some point. 

When a guy starts losing interest in us, we go into a bit of a panic mode. What did I do wrong? Why isn't he responding? He totally loves what's her face now! Mer Mer Mer. GIRL. Calm down  pa-lease. It's not you. . . really. . . sometimes it is. . . but it's not you! People lose focus, go through phases, test drives. It's natural. He's obviously not your prince charming if he didn't decide to stick around. But any of the way, I know it's hard. I've been there, and because I have (many times), I have put together all my knowledge and experience to give you some guidelines on how to tell, and how you should react. 

So Waaaalllaaaaa!! 

Signs he is NOT interested: 

1. He stops returning your calls, texts, messages, etc:

This one can be a little tricky at times. If you're having great conversation(s) and all of a sudden he stops. . . Do not panic. Take a moment and breathe. Put your phone, computer, whatever it is you're using to talk to this guy down and away. You will do something drastic and crazy if you don't. 

Reason/step number 1: If he says he's busy, or mentions that he has something big going on, he probably just doesn't have the time, or mental focus to make you a priority at the moment. Give it a day, maybe two depending on how often you talk, and then send something. If you still receive no reply then we go to. . .

Reason/step number 2: He is losing interest in you. Don't take it too personally, you are probably just not what he's looking for (but it doesn't mean you aren't someone else's). You gave it a little test drive, and he realized he wanted the Ford F150 and not the Chevy Tahoe. I don't know. It's just his preference. It's not your fault and you shouldn't go to crazy and desperate lengths to talk to him. Here is my advice: I give him 5-7 days depending on his initial communication skills. If he's already a bad communicator, I tend to give a little grace and go for the 7, but if he's an Eager Eddy, and would usually send you morning texts, calls, etc, then take it down to 5. If you're not wanting to seem like that obsessive, crazy, clingy girl we mentioned earlier, the fact you are texting him every day and multiple times is not going to help your case against that. . . or help at all. If anything it's going to annoy him more, and you're going to look desperate. 

Enjoy your life, do other things, and if he still hasn't taken the time to talk to your beautiful self, then say Sayonara to that guy and go find yourself someone better. Yeah he's cute and his morning texts were adorable and made you smile; but he's moved on, and so should you.

2. He Starts Spending A Lot of Time With His Friends:

Okay, this is only relevant if you two are basically, or actually, together. If you're spending a bunch of time together, and then all of a sudden he decides he's going to spend two solid weeks with his dudes and not you. . . Perhaps you should start unpacking the ice cream. If a guy is balancing you with his friends, or explains that he's been missing out on some stuff, then by all means, let the man go! You shouldn't be the complete priority of his time, and he shouldn't be the complete priority of your time either. A relationship is healthy when both sides feel comfortable being apart and with other people (Friends here, not friends with benefits *cough cough*). However, if he is now just balancing dude time with dude time, get some bubble wrap, and prepare yourself for the crash landing :(

3. He uses cliche lines with you:

Oh honey. If he starts telling you "You're such a great friend" or "I need me time" .......Do I really need to say more? Just.. Just take a moment. Yeah. GTFO. There is no reason for you to be spending your pretty little time in that. You basically just got told he isn't interested. Don't think that he just needs time to himself. Time to himself my butt! Yeah time to himself with the other girl from the party last Friday. . . yeah. . . time to himself. If you're here, keep your beautiful chin high, because he obviously doesn't know what he walked out on. Pick up your pride, and leave. There is no other moral justification for you to stay anymore. Show him what he's missing out on. 

Speed Round Rules:

1. Do not over communicate. Yes, 8 text messages in a row is too much and too crazy. 

2. Take your time. Let him chase you, and keep giving him reasons too

3. Keep it exciting. Don't get in the same boring conversations. Find new subjects, etc. 

4. Make sure Dude-time and You-time are equal

5. Get out if he uses one liners. 

6. Stay updated with what he's doing. But do not stalk. It's creepy. 

7. Be the amazing woman you are. Don't change for a guy who changed his mind. 

8. Keep your menus open (especially if you're single)

9. It's not your fault. It's just his preference

10. Know when to swallow your pride and move on  

Cheater-Cheater Pumpkin Eater.

Hello Readers!! I'm sorry I've been so busy, I've been in Costa Rica, and working on finals yada yada yada. Anyways I'm back! And ready for more juicy topics to talk about. I've been dying to talk about this subject for a while, but I wasn't quite sure how to address it. So as I sit here in my bed, listening to my passionate Lana Del Rey Spotify station, It finally came to me. *Sigh of Relief*.

So I bet you're wondering what this oh-so-juicy topic is? Drum roll please. . . Da-da-da-DAAAA!

CHEATING! 

As I know, many of you probably just went like this










Stay with me though! It's not going to be that awful heart-wrenching discussion about being cheated on and all the crap that comes with it. This is a discussion about two things:

1. What counts as cheating?
2. Signs they're most likely cheating on you.
. . . So let's start her off. . . Shall we? . . . . .

What counts as cheating? 

I will admit, I have been a victim when it comes to cheating. Actually, a victim multiple times; and let me tell you what. . . It blowssss. And for those of you specifically reading this. . . Yeah. Screw you. 

Cheating is a very broad or specific subject depending on the way you look at it. Some only count cheating as having complete sexual relationships with another person; others count it as flirting with another person who isn't your significant other. I think cheating is when you're unfaithful  to your boyfriend/girlfriend (whatever you are) in anyway. "Oh, it's just flirting" "Oh, it's just kissing" "Oh it's just sex". . . . ARE YOU DERANGED?! 

You're okay with the other person doing that to you?! If you just answered yes, take a moment, think about what you just agreed with. . . and get a new opinion. I'm not trying to be rude, but SERIOUSLY?! What is wrong with you? 

If your significant other, is treating other people like they treat you, maybe you should reconsider where you're at. I'm not saying it's not okay to fantasize about other people. I'll admit that even when I have a boyfriend, the sight of a shirtless Ryan Gosling makes my heart stop for a second, and I may even have small little crushes on other guys. But you won't see me over here talking to them about it. If you're going to be public about whatever it is you are with someone. . .  then you shouldn't be privately doing it with someone else. I was cheated on by an ex with multiple girls in one night, and even though they did nothing more than kiss, do you know how awful that was to find out and face? 

They way I look at it is: How would you feel if they were doing the same to you? Think about that, and whatever bothers you, then that is what you should classify as cheating. 

It annoys me when people are like "It's just flirting, it's not harming anything." 

I'm over here like "Oh yeah? How about you tell me that again when they're over there flirting with another guy/girl." 

Or 

"Well we only kissed." 

. . .So what I'm getting at is that you'd be totally okay if they were making out with someone else. . . ? Get real here. 

If you're doing anything with anyone else who isn't the person you're "supposedly together with", maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Once a cheater always a cheater. Stop before it's you. And stop before you hurt anyone else. I think we can all agree with "If you're not into me anymore, then break up with me." At least that way we're not going to go the rest of our lives wondering "Why was that girl/guy so much better than me?"

Number Two-Signs they are cheating:
 

From personal experience, these are a couple signs that they are cheating.

1. Avoiding Conversation: 

This is one of the most common signs. It can be for many reasons, but if it's because of cheating, one of the factors may be guilt. They're at least taking ownership of the situation. . .silently. It's hard to be normal, and yourself when you know you're guilty of something. Whether you accidentally broke your friends favorite necklace, or they let you borrow their car, and you scratched it pulling into the parking lot. The same is probably going on in their head about the cheating. They want to avoid contact with you for the fear of it being brought up. 

Another reason, is they're losing interest in you, and gaining interest in the other man/woman. It's pretty plain and simple. 

2. Avoiding seeing you: 

They're spending A LOT more time hanging out with friends, at work, alone, etc. If all of a sudden they stop spending so much time with you and are suddenly super interested in their friends and other things, even when you ask to hang out. . . Be warned!! They're distancing themselves from you either because they feel guilty, or have other things on their mind at the moment. Sometimes they could just be really busy for work or school, etc.

The best test, in my advice would be, ask them if they want you to bring them dinner, lunch etc. If they're just "home alone" and you ask them if they'd like company with their favorite foods/ movies, and they pass it up. . . you should definitely check that out. 

Talk to them, talk to their friends, etc. Don't straight up accuse them, because you don't want to be the jealous, paranoid bf/gf, but make sure they aren't two timing you either. 

3. They start texting they're "Mom"  or "Uncle Steve" a lot more than they ever did before: 

All of a sudden they have a an on-fire relationship with a family member again? I'm not saying it couldn't be relevant, or true, but if all of a sudden they're texting "Uncle Steve" or "Aunt Helen" at unimaginable amounts in the past two weeks, you should probably be a little cautious. I'm not condoning snooping, but if you snoop, I wouldn't have anything against you. If this happens, maybe bring up "How great it is they're suddenly in touch again" and see what his response is. If a family crisis occurs, or someone is getting married, having a baby etc, this is totally normal. But all of a sudden being "BFFs" with grandma? Unlikely. 

I would probably ask him  if there was anything going on with the family. If something is in fact going on, leave it, and wait to see how it plays out. If not, and if you're close enough with their family, maybe ask a sibling or parent casually. If they have no idea what you're talking about then Code Red. You need to figure out who "Grandma" is, and confront that. 

4. They start dressing up more often-smelling nice-wearing make up when they usually don't: 

Unless they have a job interview every day this week... there's obviously someone they're trying to impress. I will admit, I have my little phases where I like to dress up every day, and then I'll get tired of it again and go back to a normal wardrobe consisting of leggings, flannels, and scarfs. . . But if it's not in their normal character? Just keep a close eye on the situation and look for more signs. 

There's a lot more topics that we could discuss with cheating, but those are saved for another time. I hope this is helpful to whoever has been there, or thinks they might be there. DON'T BE A CHEATER. CHEATERS NEVER WIN. AND WINNERS NEVER CHEAT. 

Be a winner. 

Lost in Tinder-slation

For those of you who don't know what Tinder is, either A. Tune me out B. Get an iphone/apple product
C. There is no option C.

Tinder is an upcoming app for apple product users. It gives you the opportunity to talk with people between a 10-100 mile radius based on a profile of age, 5 pictures maximum, shared interest, and shared friends. You anonymously <3 or X people, until you are matched. Matching means you <3 a person and they <3 you. If given a match you can start a conversation or keep playing.

So here comes the fun part. When you get a match!

Alright, let's all admit it. For those of you who are on that "tinder grind" as my neighbor would say, you know you get a little confidence boost every time you get a match. Someone else shallowly likes you just as much as you shallowly liked them, usually they're pretty attractive or you found something interesting based on their profile. Then if one of you is brave enough you start a conversation.

So here is where the tinder-slation comes in to play. . .

My first night on Tinder, I nervously started the sorting process. Finally after a couple minutes I had my first match! Being thrilled, the pit dropped in my stomach when the "Send a message" or "Keep playing" option came up. I quickly did what any normal girl would do and messaged my best friend.

"What do I say??" I asked.
"Umm... Hi?" She said.

Being a complete moronic newbie I told her. "No way! It can't be that simple! Who the hell has a tinder and starts a conversation off with hey?"

So of course I thought of something really cheesey and cute to say. To put it simply, I did not receive a reply. Feeling like a complete idiot, I began my search over again. Aha! Finally another match! Stressing yet again, I was faced with the issue of "What do I say?" I messaged her again.

"Okay. Cute pick up line. Yeah"
"Hahaha okay" She said.

However before I could type anything, I was messaged first this time.

"Hey!"
*Face to palm*

WOW I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! HEY! WHAT A COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NON IDIOTIC WAY TO START A CONVERSATION........

"Hey!" I replied.

We began talking, and realized we had similar friends and interests.

Between conversations I started "Tinder-ing" again. As I came to find, they all began with some sort of hello, with the rare "You do realize you look like Mandy Moore, right? ;)" or "We should probably get different jersey's since you're out of my league ;)" ones. Which by the way, make my day entirely.

My friend Sea-biscuit (How he got that name is a completely different blog post yet to come) started tinder about a week ago, after I showed him one day during class. In one night, he had managed to get three girls phone numbers.

"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Well you see, I start off almost all my conversations with 'You're my favorite match so far.'" What a brilliant kid! That is freaking hysterical! But then it made me realize, If my dear sweet friend was pulling moves like that... why wouldn't other guys, who I barely even knew?

I became a little paranoid. I had given my number out to guys. Did this mean I was one of the many "favorite matches" too?

So I began interrogating Sea-Biscuit.
"So what do you actually say to them?"
"Well, you begin talking normally, throw in a couple compliments. About.. 30 minutes in you say something like "Well i'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight! And they just throw their numbers at you."

That's genius I thought to myself. Get the charm going, then wam! "Hey shawty what's your number?" and every time you eventually cave.

"Sometimes you get stuck though. And then you just gotta ask for advice from the bros. I'll be like sitting on the couch with one of them, and we'll both be tindering and then a girl will say something. So we swap and we're like "dude, girl said the same thing to me once, perfect line." and then they'll get stuck and I'm like "Bro. *click click click* This is gold."

I guess I can't really blame them though. I do that with my girlfriends. Although, we sit in a group text message and send screen shots and judge. "....He looks to short for you" "Ladies! 1-10? He's 5'10 and has a golden retriever." "Oh my god... total 10."

It's sometimes ridiculous the extent we go to. IT'S TINDER FOR GOODNESS SAKE! But yet, why is it so addicting?!

But sometimes you actually feel seriously about spending quality time texting or continuing the chat... so... as we go again... Tinder-slation can be very tricky.

So we can all agree, what is a conversation without a little bit of spice and flirtation? Sure, essentials like what your favorite color, and hockey team are important. But you shallowly liked the person because of usually one thing: Their attractiveness. You know it's true. Don't kid yourself. I admit it. Flirting is inevitable.

So you begin kind of flirtatiously dropping things like "Hey, you're super cute. . . we should meet up." My only issue, is most of my matches live around 50 miles away #bummer. But like I said, flirty never really hurt anyone. But there are things you need to make sure you're aware of.

Code Freaking RED:

1. When your so called normal conversation takes a turn for the sexual
So you've been talking for a while, throwing in the occasional winks, compliments, smiley faces. Then all of a sudden "So do you spit or swallow?" UM EXCUSE ME? WE WEREN'T EVEN DISCUSSING THAT. No offense, and maybe I'm alone, but do you really think I'm going to tell you that after holding a conversation of like.. an hour? Even after a couple days if it's really going smooth. It's a total turn off, creepy, and gross. I don't even know your last name. This is all happening so fast! Can I get pregnant from this? Since when is it okay to be so casual about that kind of stuff. 'Hey my name is dominic. So question, are you a top or bottom girl?" HARD PASS. HARD PASS.

. Send me a picture ;) 
Okay. . . Will you specify that? You want a picture of my face? My room? Stuffed elk hanging in my living room? Of course, the most often reaction is ".... I look really fat today though." Girls I know you feel me on this. If he asks you this, ask if he has a snap chat! If you're feeling like it's not gonna bite you in the ass, snap chats are pretty cool. Besides it gives you the chance to see what he's like. If he has an iphone, he can
download snapchat for free if he's that desperate for a pic. If he refuses, you probably don't want to be sending out your beautiful faces to the world anyways. Same goes for guys... but girls are more likely for this one. Sorry :/




3. Doesn't message you after you match

As cute as they are, I give my matches 3 days to strike up or reply to a conversation. I'll usually give them one day to message me, and if not i'll say Hi in case they're that guy(or girl) who likes girls(or guys) to make the first move. If you don't hear from that, either he's not interested, or has a girlfriend. Or they're just on there for the pure entertainment and ego boost of having "so many matches." "Omg that Cory is so cute! why wont they message me though?" My advice, block them! They're just cluttering up your actually interested match list anyways.

Friend or Foe?

This is for all you people drinking the hater-ade. I know, the term hater-ade is dorky but deal with it. For those of you saying you can't be friends with your ex's, you my sweet cheeks are in denial. And as we all assumed, I would know.

How to be friends with your Ex's 101:

Seriously, this should be an actual course, because mastering it can be difficult as. . . we all know what sometimes. I think everyone secretly wants to hate their ex on some level just because it helps with the disappointment things didn't work out. But truth is? Being friends works out in the long run, and actually makes you feel better. 

I think the reason some of us get so depressed over break-ups is not only because we lost someone we cared about, but we also lost a friend. It's really hard to just date someone without building a friendship first, and when it doesn't work out, we lose the friendship too. Well not anymore! I've managed to stay friends with most of my "ex's" and I'm pretty damn proud of that! 

So many of my girlfriends ask me, "Ugh, Why are you still friends with him? I could never do that. I don't want to be friends, mer mer mer." That's probably why I'm a lot happier and more confident about my love life than you. 

Trying to be friends with your ex takes some time and effort. A lot of times I thought to myself  "Is this even worth it?" and almost gave up, but the fact I stuck it out, made all the difference in the world. Truthfully, I'm almost better friends with some of my ex's than I am with my girlfriends. So that is a huge wake up call! It can be done!! 

The biggest thing you're going to need is time. Time is essential. You can't break up with someone and then 5 minutes later go back to being friends, I wish you could do that, but you can't. Life isn't that way. I had to take almost two months to really feel like my ex and I were okay, and on stable ground for continuing the friendship. We broke up, and the first couple of weeks, as accepting as I was of the fact we broke up, I can't say I wasn't over it. He then left on a trip for a month, and I spent that month hanging out with other guys and my friends. I was doing me. The fact I didn't have to see him, or hear about him every day made it easy to move on. By the time he returned I was excited, but on a friendly level. I had started seeing other people, spending time with my friends, it was great! And he and I were actually back to being like we were before we dated, hanging out and talking on a regular basis.

Another thing you need to do is actually move on! Find other people! I think people miss this step because they're afraid of hurting the others feelings. [Yeah, it's kind of a bummer or makes you uncomfortable when they finally take a step in the other direction, but that means they're wanting you to do the same]. Friends who are ex's who don't want what's best for the other, aren't good friends. It's going to be hard and knock the winds out of their sails a little when someone new rolls around, but just know it's almost a cue for them. You're saying to them: "It's okay you move on too." I was actually excited for my friend/ex when he got a new girlfriend-thing. If you're a real friend, or trying to be, you want them to be happy! So be encouraging, and talk to them about it! Because when one of you starts moving on, the other is going to be curious how it's going. 

The last thing, is reassure and TALK to them! When you say you're friends and then don't talk or hang out, it kind of defeats and contradicts the purpose. Why are you going to be friends, if you're not going to do friendly things? I still have a lot of fun with my ex's and it's never awkward. We dated, we should be pretty comfortable around one another. Make plans to go see a movie, or hang out. I don't see what the big deal is? You do it with all your other friends! Include them into things and let them know you still want to be apart of their life. If you get that feeling they don't really understand the "friendship" then reassure them you still want to be friends. Go to a concert together, go get lunch. Do something! If you state your friends, and don't act like it, then you're fooling yourself, and you aren't really friends. 

So for those of you who say you can't be friends with your exs. FALSE. I am friends with almost every single one of mine. It takes time and effort. You can't just be like "It's over, let's be friends. Hey wanna go get doughnuts?" No! But you can work yourself back up to that point. And what you realize when you get there is almost how much better friends you are after dating. I visit mine at college, go hang out on the weekends, and talk to them on a pretty regular basis. And I believe I am a truly happier person because of it, so I hope you take my advice, so you can be truly happy as well :) 

Well EX-cuse me

We've all had ex's. Now the word ex's always brings a certain feeling to everybody. For some of mine, it's the feeling of total disgust, others fondness, others sadness; It just depends on the person. But some of mine never seem to go away, and always, in someway or somehow bother me for more. I'm not being narcissistic when I say this, I don't really believe my ex's never got over me, and desperately want me again. . . I'm just saying, every once in a while one pops up at the most inconvenient time, always wanting something.

Let me just tell you this though, I'm fed up! And if you're an ex reading this, I'm not necessarily fed up with you personally, I'm just fed up with some of the BS you pull on me.

For all you people out there who have had to deal with ex problems, then this is for you, cause I say enough already! This needs to quit! Why must you taunt us with mixed signals? Are we friend or foe? Do you want me do you not want me? What is the deal? I just want an answer!
:( #FRUSTRATED.

THINGS YOUR EX'S DO & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

1.Put the moves on you post break-up:

I think this one is the most occurring, most confusing, and most frustrating thing ever! We broke up for a reason. . . what are you doing?! [Especially when they're the ones who broke up with YOU]. Ummmm hello???? Do you still have feelings for me....? Is this entertainment for you...? Why are you doing this....? Some of the million thoughts that run through our mind when this happens. I get that there will always be chemistry between you, and sometimes it's hard to fight, but really avoiding this is for the best. Unless they have real intentions of getting back together, as harmless and nostalgic as it is to flirt, don't play into this. It's not worth your time, and it's not going to change anything. It's just going to mix up your feelings for one another, and before you know it, one person still has feelings for the other, and it turns into a huge ole mess.

Example:

My boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of summer, and it was pretty mutual. We got together one afternoon to talk and both knew where it was going. There was still chemistry, but it was just time. That night we were at a party, when I was about to leave, I went in for a hug, you know, to show we could still be friends. . . turns out it wouldn't end like that. Nope, he went in for a full on kiss, and I'm talking like a we didn't break up a couple of hours ago, and we're still together kiss. It totally threw me off. I stopped mid way and was like "Wait, this is confusing." And his response? "So..?" OKAY, WHAT THE HELL?!

What to do about it:

As much as you want to pretend like "Oh it's just one time" and "It's not that big of a deal" No! Do not fool yourself, it is a big deal and you know it. When they pull this kind of BS on you, it's not okay! It's not one time! That just means your opening all new doors to things that are going to make your life confusing and miserable. Okay, perhaps a bit dramatic, but I'm serious! It's going to make them think it's okay to play with your feelings, an that they still have power over you. No one really moves on from the break up because their always going to remain an option in your mind.
If this happens you need to man or woman up and tell them how you feel. As dumb as you may seem, it's the best and only way. Straight up ask them how they feel about you. If their response isn't "I made a mistake I want to get back together 100% , right now" then it's good you caught it early on. This has happened to me, and I never did anything about it, thinking it was okay. Little did I know, I would spend another few months of my life wondering what their reasoning was behind it. When I finally got up the courage to ask it was "because it was convenient for them, and I was someone they still had good chemistry with, and knew what they were doing with." Wow, not the reaction I was hoping for! Well hello! Most of the time that's going to be the reaction for you. So when something like this comes along, nip it in the bud and call them out on it. Or else you're in for a whole lot of trouble.

2. Are total d-bags when the break-up, so you thought, ended smoothly:

They're probably just butt hurt, or don't want you to feel like there is still a connection, or both. Or they really are just a jerk.
 I don't know if I'll understand why, but to the best of my ability I'll contribute to solving the mystery. So let's go with the first one. Even though you're broken up, you will always have some sort of feelings for the other. Maybe they're buried way deep down, like you'd shed a tear if they died, but hey! That still counts! ....So they're butt hurt (upset). Sometimes during break ups that we think went smoothly, there are unresolved, and un...stated feelings. A lot of times, we don't want to seem like the desperate one, so we just casually agree that breaking up is the best, even when we disagree. You state that you will continue to be friends, but it takes time and effort to actually be comfortable with the idea. If it's within a two week radius or so of post break-up-ness, I'd just let it slide, it'll probably blow over sooner than you think.
Signs/Symptoms of being butt hurt:
1. Bitter behavior (i.e snappy remarks, mean jokes, etc.)
2. Mood-swings (i.e being totally happy and then totally crabby two seconds later)
3. Ignoring (don't respond)
4. It's been a while, I'll get back to you on more signs/symptoms

Cures:
1. Time

Okay, moving on. . .Option: they don't want you to feel like there is still a connection. This one basically explains itself. As totally immature, and stupid this one sounds, it makes sense. Even though you broke up, and it went smoothly, no one wants to pull a #1. (Puts moves on you post break up). Although a friendly gesture could totally just be a friendly gesture, post break up sometimes could send unintentional, mixed signals. Being in a relationship changes a lot of things, even when we don't want it to. You begin over analyzing everything your ex does and what it means. The best way to sort this one out is to just to talk to them and reassure them you're just friends, and you know that. When they feel comfortable and assured that you know it's now just a friendship, they'll stop being so awkward, jerky, and cautious about what they're doing.
Signs/Symptoms:
1. Signs/symptoms of being butt hurt
2. Continues for a while
3. Bragging about hook-ups
4. Treating you as much like "one of the guys/girls" as possible



Cures:
1. Confrontation (the reassuring kind, not sloppy drunk girl kind)
2. Get a new significant other
3. Time...

Last but not least, they really are just a jerk. If they're just being completely insincere to you in all ways, then sweetheart you should be glad you're not with them anymore. They're too immature to be a normal human being and treat your feelings with respect. Don't take it too personally, they're just an idiot.

3. They act like you've never dated or been together:

I can understand this one, and I don't think just because you've dated someone, and it didn't work out you should automatically brand them with EX, but acknowledging the fact once in a while doesn't kill you, does it? I agree that once you've broken up, if you remain friends, you should focus more on the fact that you're friends, but the fact you were together shouldn't just be brushed under the rug. Sometimes it's important to verify, clarify, and remember. Whether it worked out or not, people like to be acknowledged for being someone special. It's healthy and normal. I know when I don't even get credited for being a medium-termed girlfriend, it's kind of a bummer. I don't want to be referred to that all the time, but if you're going to associate with me, the fact we dated shouldn't really be thrown out of the "list of memories and good times" if you know what I mean.

Example:
My sister and her boyfriend were both associated with the Greek life at college. When my ex boyfriend went to school, he called me one night he was going to a frat party. He told me he was going to the same house my sister's boyfriend's apart of and asked if he could name drop to help him "make some friends" or at least converse with people. When asked what he would say if he got a reaction his response was something along the lines of  "Oh yeah, I know her sister. Or like I hooked up with her sister. Or I'm friends with her sister." Haha, glad I was so much more to you in our relationship than a hookup? Um okay?

 Like I said, it shouldn't be a permanent label or really an important one at that, but when appropriate, it should be acknowledged damnit! You wouldn't refer to a pet dog as "this random dog living in your house for a while" No! So don't forget us ex's exist too! Especially when you begin seeing other people, they should know you have a history, whether it's important to you or not. And if they meet so called history they should know who you are, even if it doesn't matter anymore. I rest my case.

What to do about it:
There's really nothing you can do unless it really bothers you, then I guess confront it? But just remember for when your exs roll around.