The College Code - More Like Guidelines Than Actual Rules

She's Alive

Hello readers :) Sorry I've been gone for so long! I've been adapting to my new, and exciting college lifestyle. As some of you may know, I'm attending the absolutely stunning University of Colorado, and it is better than I could ever imagine. However, when it comes to boys lets just put it simply: In the words of Dorothy, "We're not in High School Anymore"

As my first month here is coming to an end, I've started to learn and adopt some major guidelines when it comes to dealing with guys and girls (if you're a guy) in college. I've taken my newly found knowledge and broken it down! Here are some Do's and Don'ts for you! 

THE DOS & DON'TS OF COLLEGE GIRL/GUY ACTION

DO-Flirt with Random Guys/Girls at Parties- 

Majority of the time you're probably not going to see them again, or sometimes even remember them. Find someone that catches your eye and let lose a little! College is a time when you're free of your parents, free of previous judgements. You're starting a fresh slate, and that random person at a party is a good way to get yourself back out there. 

DON'T-Hookup with Said Random Guy/Girl at Party (on the first night) 

Yes, College is a beautiful place, where promiscuity is raging like it's Thursday night on the hill (Boulder reference), But hold off for a little while. If you're actually digging on this person, give them a kiss goodnight, exchange your numbers, whatever you wanna do. But don't be that girl or guy whose gonna be walking home with someone other than your friends or designated escort. A lot of times your judgement is going to be blurred, so be careful with what you're giving out there. And if you're at a frat; Don't be a "Frat Rat". 

DO-Have Fun in Your Dorm Room - 

Break in your room. Twin beds are extremely small to snuggle in but it's do-able. You finally have privacy! Sort of... (BE SURE TO WARN YOUR ROOMMATES!) If you're like me, and your parents never let you have sleepovers with your boyfriends, now is the time to get those moments back. What's better than spooning??? Yeah, Nothing I'm pretty sure. Okay a couple things. But it's still up there! Bring people home (after you've known them alright, lets not get to excited here) Have some fun, live a little! You're only in college, and even the dorms once. Make it memorable. 

DON'T-Leave Your Windows or Blinds Open if You Bring Someone Home - 

Don't make that mistake. You'll regret it for a very long time. Ha. 

DO-Make a Bucket List- 

Find places, scenarios, songs, etc. Life is suppose to be adventurous and spontaneous! Find that romantic place on campus, or walk up to that random person at a concert. If that song you always imagined making out with someone too comes on, for gods sake do it! I got to cross that one off at the most recent concert I was at. It was epic. So, I encourage you to do the same! 

DON'T-Hookup with Someone While Your Roommate is in the Room- 

I don't care how hard of a sleeper they are! Unless your room is absolutely ginormous and there's "space to breathe" write a little code on your board, shoot them a text, warn them! Imagine if they woke up, do you really want an audience? Keep it to yourself! I know for one I do NOT want to be a part of that at all. Uh-Uh,  No Thank you. Even if they're passed out, and don't wake up for anything. That's still freaking awkward on both ends. And then imagine if they found out- or worse. Woke up. Now that would be weird. Keep it in your pants for alone time. At least in the dorms. 

DO-Text/Call Someone You're Interested In/ Hooked-up With- 

Just because it's college doesn't mean everything should just be random. Call them back, hang out. See if there is something more to it. If you have a good time together, or had a good time together, you shouldn't just push it away for the fear of committing. If anything they could end up being a really good friend!

DON'T-Go Crazy about it Though- 

Be friendly, shoot them a hello. If they don't respond, It's college!! Unless you've put time and energy in this person, you'll probably find someone new later that night or in a couple days. Seriously. Calm down. There's thousands of people out there you're going to meet. 

DO-Try A Long Distance Relationship (If you're in one/thinking about it)-  

If you two were meant to be together, then despite how hard it is, things will always work out the way they're suppose to. Keep in contact, hopefully it's easier to see each other more regularly then not. Sometimes it can work out! I have faith in you people! 

DON'T-Exile Yourself From The World Due to Your Long Distance Relationship - 

College is about new experiences, new starts, new friends, and finding yourself. You will be meeting hundreds to thousands of people. Even though you're in a committed relationship, it doesn't mean you should be a hermit from the world. Talk to girls/guys- go to lunch or parties together. You'll never know what you're missing out on until you let yourself live a little. You might find out that what you're experiencing in your new life is better for you then trying to live in the past. 

DO-Have the Time of Your Life and Don't Regret!- 

Things in life happen, and college is the time in your life to be free, and wild. Be safe and cautious about your decisions. . . But do the things that make you happy! Relax and enjoy this amazing ride that we've gotten the opportunity to experience. 

Lastly --- On a side note --- always wear a life jacket. You never know whats running in that river. (:

The Language of Love

I love you. Ti Amo. Je T'aime. S'agapo. Te Quiero. Ich Libe Dich. 

No matter what language you speak, The phrase "I love you" is probably the most powerful of them all. The word love has no context, yet so much context at the same time. It's a word we cherish- fantasize about. 

But. . . Love is more than just a word. It's a feeling, a state of being. It's a euphoric content-ness with someone or something other than yourself. It's so broad, and I think it's really amazing. 

Sure you can love things like food or your favorite TV show. You love your family and your friends just as much as you would love your significant lover; It's just in different ways. LIKE THERE'S SO MANY TYPES OF LOVE!! 

My friends and I tell each other we love each other all the time. Am I in love with my friends? Absolutely not. But if you really think about it, it's crazy how much we can care about people other than ourselves. I would do anything for some of my friends. It's really amazing, with mine, we're all so close, and there's about 14 of us give or take a few. THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE! But I never give it a second thought when we say "Bye love you." It's just a fact. It's the same as if they were looking smoking and one of us said "Oh boo you look great tonight." Second nature. But why then,  do things change drastically when it comes to being In love? 

My mother always told me that when I fell in love it would be nothing but rainbows and sunshine. As cliche as that sounds, I believe her one-hundred percent. At the moment, I have no expertise really in that department, but seeing people I know, it's a completely accurate statement. 

They're happy. Nothing ever goes wrong. When I see people and they're fighting all the time, or getting in arguments, but state they're in love, I can't help but shake my head. Love is when you see the person for who they are, and it's unconditional. The things they do that aggravate you shouldn't even be relevant. Hell, there shouldn't even be things that aggravate you for a while. It's not love when you're fighting all the time, or there are bumps on the road. That's infatuation. It's similar feeling, but as a whole it's sooooo different. 

Infatuation is what people think is love. You're enamored with the person, but there are still things that drive you crazy. I've been infatuated with people before. It's an amazing feeling. I thought it was love too. But as you take time away you'll realize it wasn't. I have so many friends and people tell me "I think I'm in love with them Lies." But then later that afternoon they're fighting again. Or friends tell me "I'm in love with them, but they don't feel the same." You aren't in love! Infatuation is what makes "Love" one sided or when you feel in love with someone, and they don't reciprocate the same feelings. 

Love isn't one sided. You can disagree with me all you want on that statement, but It's not. You can't be in love with someone if they aren't in love with you. I've learned that. The euphoric content-ness has to be equal between both parties. There have been times I thought I was in love with people. Times I remember not being able to hold my excitement. I gossiped to my girlfriends about it. But then I realized they didn't feel as strongly as I did; and I'll tell you what, I sobered up from those feelings faster than you can say potassium. The fact they didn't feel the exact same way I did brought me out of the high, and fast. 

That's why I believe you should never say "I love you" unless your certain. With friends it's different. But when it comes to relationship, the three word phrase, can completely change the game. Love is a feeling you'll know when it arrives; Like a big red truck as I always say. It just hits you. My sister and her current boyfriend knew they were in love maybe three weeks into seeing each other? And they've been together approaching four years now. When you know you know. But don't tell someone you love them if you don't. It can ruin a lot of things. Scare people away, and make them feel uncomfortable. But don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to scare you into never saying it! But just make sure you're ready. Take time and think about it. Love is a beautiful thing. But if there is any other feelings going on beside total happiness, Evaluate and hold off from 1-4-3. 

I'm a very loving person. Sometimes the love inside my friendship makes me want to cry from happiness. If I love you, even just as a person, I'm going to tell you. I will say "Bye I love you!" Or laugh and say "Ha... I love you." But doing that one night, really ruined a relationship of mine. It drove them away. Although I didn't mean it in that scary "I'm in love with you way" They took it that way. It was hard, but maybe it was needed. I was completely infatuated. Sometimes I did feel the L word creeping in, but I knew neither of us were ready for a commitment like that. But then saying it one night leaving a friends house,  the hug grew stiff, the words were jumbled in response. 

My point is, Love people. Tell them you love them. But don't tell them you're In Love With Them unless you are 100% positive you are. And if you're in a relationship and love them as a person, if you want to express that, clarify what you mean so it doesn't confuse anything. 

I love you is powerful. Use it wisely. 

Behind Enemy Lines

Raise your hand if you've ever had an Ex! In this moment I just imagined the gymnasium from Mean Girls when Tina Fay asked if anyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George,

(Which, NBD, I found a gif) ^^ And; if you haven't seen Mean Girls and don't know what I'm talking about  you should. . . because it's a fantastic movie. My gosh that thing is distracting! Look past it! Focus on the words! Anyways the real point of that whole ramble, was because everyone has had an ex, just like how everyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George. Maybe, your ex was like Regina George, and now I feel bad for you. But this is beside the point, I'll sympathize with you later.

The point of this is that I'm finally calling myself out, and by doing that I'm calling you out too. 

DO. NOT. SLEEP/HOOKUP. WITH. YOUR. EX. and if you are. STOP. SLEEPING/HOOKING UP. WITH. YOUR. EX

What? What did she just say? Yes. STOP er uh DO NOT if you aren't. This is baaaaaaaaaaad. Capital B A D bad. (My gosh this is a lot of capital letters. Maybe because it's important!!) 

The first step in resolving a problem, is admitting you have one. I admit, I have had this issue, and if you're reading this, 90% chance is that you have too! Yay, we aren't alone! 

Now that we're past this awkward moment of bringing it out in the open, let's talk about it. 

When you break up with someone, it's obviously for a certain reason. Maybe it was just time, or they cheated (See previous blogs) maybe you cheated, maybe they just aren't who you thought they were. There are plenty of reasons; But it's a reason non the less! 

Just because you still have care in your heart for the person doesn't mean they got moved off the totem poll from significant other to friends with benefits. If they're going down, they're going down pretty far. 

I've briefly touched on this in a previous blog, but I was requested to expand, and I'm having writers block/material on all my other ideas. This one, however, this one I shaming-ly have a slight advantage in. 

I think people find it's okay to sleep with an ex for many reasons. Maybe they don't want to "raise their number" or because they've been in a relationship, they know how the other person works, and how the job, so to speak, will get done.

However, I don't think what people take into account is the emotional attachment. "No we're broken up it's totally fine, we're over each other" Yeah. You think that. Or more or less, you Like to think that. NOOOOOOOO You still obviously have feelings! And if you don't, then they're gonna come back, and you're going to be a big confused mess.

Unless you can be completely no strings attached with the person, then it's going to be really hard after sometime. You might be over them now, but everyone knows hooking up and sleeping together digs up a completely new realm of feelings. And who even knows if there can be no strings attached with anyone! If you can do it, then by all means, disregard everything i'm saying.. although keep reading cause it'll give you a laugh, but unless you've mastered that, Maybe Reconsider.

Not to mention, there could be unfortunate events that happen to you because you decide to participate in activities like this.......

STORY TIME!

A previous Ex of mine and I, tended to get together every once in a while after we had broken up. We had remained very close friends, and it was casual to hang out. But every so often, we would get caught up in that moment of laughing over something, or those pauses, and you know exactly what I'm talking about here. Those pauses where you're both thinking the same thing, and slowly but surely it ends up in those good old, 30 second make outs sesh. Where you take them from there is completely your own decision but chances are, they don't always stop there.


Doing things like this had later lead to me sneaking him into my parents home over Christmas break after a party. I had a bad night with my friends, and we ended up on the balcony of the hotel room where the party was hosted. It  initially had lead to a brief kiss, and then progressed. "Lets get out of here" would be the ideal phrase that was said. Or at least something along those lines. I had taken every precaution not to get caught. I turned the lights off of my car when I pulled into the driveway, and we even closed our car doors at the same time to make sure there wasn't multiple slams. We quietly snuck into my basement, and he went straight into my room as I went up into my parents room to tell them I was home. I snuck back downstairs, into my room, and locked the door. We whispered when we talked, it was as if a mouse was living in my room, and not a teenage girl. We would have almost gotten away with it, except he was getting over a mean bronchitis he'd had for months. That is when the coughing started. And people, let me tell you, these could not be mistaken for girly coughs unfortunately, and they were loud. I quickly sprung over and covered his mouth.
"My gosh! SSSSSSHHHHHHH"
"I'm sorry!" He whispered between coughs. "I can't breathe!"
"YOU'RE BEING SO LOUD!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
The coughing continued, no efforts to be muffled. Unbelievable.
When they had stopped, we continued to make an escape plan. Then all of a sudden, there were light taps on my door. The fear crossed both of our faces as we looked at each other and then the door. He moved to a corner of my room farthest from the door.
"Lies...." Oh. God.
"....Yeah Mom...?'
"You know what....."
".....Okay..."

Yes, we were caught by my mother. She had forgotten if I had checked in or not, and came downstairs. When she had gotten to my door she heard the coughing, and panicked. We had both gotten a bit of a lecture in the single-lamp lit family room at 3 am that night; Sent back into my room to retrieve our things, and I drove him back to his car. We laughed about it the whole time, but safe to be said, that was the end of that shenanigans. I haven't told anyone about that until now. And yet, I don't know why. It's hysterical. If you know me at all, you would know I have the worst luck ever, and of course this would happen to me.

So moral of the story: Not only will doing things like this lead you to be caught by your mother at 3 am over Christmas, but It could also lead to emotional attachments.

Yes.. This is the real message

A different ex had proclaimed he was in love with me after we hung out a couple times before he moved away, and we had a good bye kiss. I was sitting in bed one night, and then randomly I received a text message on my phone.
'I love you'
WHAT?! No, You can't love me. You didn't before
'Yes, I'm inlove with you'
NO. NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.

And as much as I cared about him as a friend, It was really hard to deal with the fact I couldn't say the three words back. I'm not the girl who will say things I don't mean. I will never tell someone I'm in love with them if I'm not. And so far, I haven't been in love, so I'm still waiting.
And of course it ruined the friendship we had worked so hard on.

As much as being back together physically with an ex seems like a good idea, just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. You obviously broke up for a reason, and you should keep that reason. Unless you are still both completely head over heels for one another and are on the road of recovery, Move on.

After the Christmas incident, I finally became intuned with the fact, I had zero feelings in that manner. Basically my mother gave the ultimatum of  "Get your sh*t together and get back together, or stop doing this" and as if not thinking about it, we decided the second. It wouldn't work out again, and we both knew it. And now, there are no underlying-unresolved feelings or confusion. It's a solid friendship again. It's great. KEEP YOURS THAT WAY PLEASEEEEEE. DON'T BE LIKE ME.

And not in the offensive way, like that it was a horrible idea to do that, it wasn't. But it wasn't healthy. Whether he knew it or not, I spent time on it after wondering what the meaning was behind it. What he thought, why were were doing that. And as soon as we decided to stop it ALL, I stopped feeling insecure in the friendship we had. I knew we were meant to be great friends, and I'm happy to report it's stayed like that.

Find someone new! Keep your ex in your life if they were/are important to you, they make great friends, advice givers, and shoulders to cry on. They understand you, your needs, and things you need to work on. But they do not make good hookups, It just takes you 3 steps back in your progress.

Maybe He's Just Not That Into You

Holy 2500 page views since March? You guys are awesome :) Anyways I want to say Happy Summer! I have been a crazy busy lady, as I assume most of you have been as well. Well maybe not the lady part, but you know what I mean!

As we kick off-ish the summer, I thought it was only appropriate to touch on a subject close to home. Not to mention you're now headed into another brand new part of your life. New classes, new friends, new schools, new adventures. Out with the old and in with the new! But a little prerequisite advice never hurt anyone, did it? No, I didn't think so either. Anyways, here we go! And like always, sorry it's been a while.

Maybe... 

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. Hi. This one is souly dedicated to you. We have all had our share of man candy, as one might say. As women we luckily have a little step up from the guys on the level that it's  easier for us to grab some guy's attention in some way or another. We're mysterious creatures, and guys find that intriguing about us, so usually, that alone is a little bit of bait. However, once you've got them hooked, how do you know when he's dying to go back to the sea? Well if you don't, or still have some trouble figuring it out, I am going to break it down for you. Mainly because you're my girls, and I love you. . . (and also, I don't want you to be that desperate-clingy girl that can't take a hint. No one wants to see a girl struggle like that. I don't care who you are.) 

For guys, it's all about the chase. Whether they admit it, believe it, or not. . . it is. Now I'm not singling you men out there out. . . Everybody does it. Everybody wants what they can't have. It goes back to biblical times my friend. Eve couldn't resist the apple, it's engraved into our system. But I think as women we like to have the chase, and once they've proven their stamina, we then slow our pace. Now don't get me wrong, that is not a bad thing at all, but I'm just warning, that can be a downfall to some point. 

When a guy starts losing interest in us, we go into a bit of a panic mode. What did I do wrong? Why isn't he responding? He totally loves what's her face now! Mer Mer Mer. GIRL. Calm down  pa-lease. It's not you. . . really. . . sometimes it is. . . but it's not you! People lose focus, go through phases, test drives. It's natural. He's obviously not your prince charming if he didn't decide to stick around. But any of the way, I know it's hard. I've been there, and because I have (many times), I have put together all my knowledge and experience to give you some guidelines on how to tell, and how you should react. 

So Waaaalllaaaaa!! 

Signs he is NOT interested: 

1. He stops returning your calls, texts, messages, etc:

This one can be a little tricky at times. If you're having great conversation(s) and all of a sudden he stops. . . Do not panic. Take a moment and breathe. Put your phone, computer, whatever it is you're using to talk to this guy down and away. You will do something drastic and crazy if you don't. 

Reason/step number 1: If he says he's busy, or mentions that he has something big going on, he probably just doesn't have the time, or mental focus to make you a priority at the moment. Give it a day, maybe two depending on how often you talk, and then send something. If you still receive no reply then we go to. . .

Reason/step number 2: He is losing interest in you. Don't take it too personally, you are probably just not what he's looking for (but it doesn't mean you aren't someone else's). You gave it a little test drive, and he realized he wanted the Ford F150 and not the Chevy Tahoe. I don't know. It's just his preference. It's not your fault and you shouldn't go to crazy and desperate lengths to talk to him. Here is my advice: I give him 5-7 days depending on his initial communication skills. If he's already a bad communicator, I tend to give a little grace and go for the 7, but if he's an Eager Eddy, and would usually send you morning texts, calls, etc, then take it down to 5. If you're not wanting to seem like that obsessive, crazy, clingy girl we mentioned earlier, the fact you are texting him every day and multiple times is not going to help your case against that. . . or help at all. If anything it's going to annoy him more, and you're going to look desperate. 

Enjoy your life, do other things, and if he still hasn't taken the time to talk to your beautiful self, then say Sayonara to that guy and go find yourself someone better. Yeah he's cute and his morning texts were adorable and made you smile; but he's moved on, and so should you.

2. He Starts Spending A Lot of Time With His Friends:

Okay, this is only relevant if you two are basically, or actually, together. If you're spending a bunch of time together, and then all of a sudden he decides he's going to spend two solid weeks with his dudes and not you. . . Perhaps you should start unpacking the ice cream. If a guy is balancing you with his friends, or explains that he's been missing out on some stuff, then by all means, let the man go! You shouldn't be the complete priority of his time, and he shouldn't be the complete priority of your time either. A relationship is healthy when both sides feel comfortable being apart and with other people (Friends here, not friends with benefits *cough cough*). However, if he is now just balancing dude time with dude time, get some bubble wrap, and prepare yourself for the crash landing :(

3. He uses cliche lines with you:

Oh honey. If he starts telling you "You're such a great friend" or "I need me time" .......Do I really need to say more? Just.. Just take a moment. Yeah. GTFO. There is no reason for you to be spending your pretty little time in that. You basically just got told he isn't interested. Don't think that he just needs time to himself. Time to himself my butt! Yeah time to himself with the other girl from the party last Friday. . . yeah. . . time to himself. If you're here, keep your beautiful chin high, because he obviously doesn't know what he walked out on. Pick up your pride, and leave. There is no other moral justification for you to stay anymore. Show him what he's missing out on. 

Speed Round Rules:

1. Do not over communicate. Yes, 8 text messages in a row is too much and too crazy. 

2. Take your time. Let him chase you, and keep giving him reasons too

3. Keep it exciting. Don't get in the same boring conversations. Find new subjects, etc. 

4. Make sure Dude-time and You-time are equal

5. Get out if he uses one liners. 

6. Stay updated with what he's doing. But do not stalk. It's creepy. 

7. Be the amazing woman you are. Don't change for a guy who changed his mind. 

8. Keep your menus open (especially if you're single)

9. It's not your fault. It's just his preference

10. Know when to swallow your pride and move on  

Cheater-Cheater Pumpkin Eater.

Hello Readers!! I'm sorry I've been so busy, I've been in Costa Rica, and working on finals yada yada yada. Anyways I'm back! And ready for more juicy topics to talk about. I've been dying to talk about this subject for a while, but I wasn't quite sure how to address it. So as I sit here in my bed, listening to my passionate Lana Del Rey Spotify station, It finally came to me. *Sigh of Relief*.

So I bet you're wondering what this oh-so-juicy topic is? Drum roll please. . . Da-da-da-DAAAA!

CHEATING! 

As I know, many of you probably just went like this










Stay with me though! It's not going to be that awful heart-wrenching discussion about being cheated on and all the crap that comes with it. This is a discussion about two things:

1. What counts as cheating?
2. Signs they're most likely cheating on you.
. . . So let's start her off. . . Shall we? . . . . .

What counts as cheating? 

I will admit, I have been a victim when it comes to cheating. Actually, a victim multiple times; and let me tell you what. . . It blowssss. And for those of you specifically reading this. . . Yeah. Screw you. 

Cheating is a very broad or specific subject depending on the way you look at it. Some only count cheating as having complete sexual relationships with another person; others count it as flirting with another person who isn't your significant other. I think cheating is when you're unfaithful  to your boyfriend/girlfriend (whatever you are) in anyway. "Oh, it's just flirting" "Oh, it's just kissing" "Oh it's just sex". . . . ARE YOU DERANGED?! 

You're okay with the other person doing that to you?! If you just answered yes, take a moment, think about what you just agreed with. . . and get a new opinion. I'm not trying to be rude, but SERIOUSLY?! What is wrong with you? 

If your significant other, is treating other people like they treat you, maybe you should reconsider where you're at. I'm not saying it's not okay to fantasize about other people. I'll admit that even when I have a boyfriend, the sight of a shirtless Ryan Gosling makes my heart stop for a second, and I may even have small little crushes on other guys. But you won't see me over here talking to them about it. If you're going to be public about whatever it is you are with someone. . .  then you shouldn't be privately doing it with someone else. I was cheated on by an ex with multiple girls in one night, and even though they did nothing more than kiss, do you know how awful that was to find out and face? 

They way I look at it is: How would you feel if they were doing the same to you? Think about that, and whatever bothers you, then that is what you should classify as cheating. 

It annoys me when people are like "It's just flirting, it's not harming anything." 

I'm over here like "Oh yeah? How about you tell me that again when they're over there flirting with another guy/girl." 

Or 

"Well we only kissed." 

. . .So what I'm getting at is that you'd be totally okay if they were making out with someone else. . . ? Get real here. 

If you're doing anything with anyone else who isn't the person you're "supposedly together with", maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Once a cheater always a cheater. Stop before it's you. And stop before you hurt anyone else. I think we can all agree with "If you're not into me anymore, then break up with me." At least that way we're not going to go the rest of our lives wondering "Why was that girl/guy so much better than me?"

Number Two-Signs they are cheating:
 

From personal experience, these are a couple signs that they are cheating.

1. Avoiding Conversation: 

This is one of the most common signs. It can be for many reasons, but if it's because of cheating, one of the factors may be guilt. They're at least taking ownership of the situation. . .silently. It's hard to be normal, and yourself when you know you're guilty of something. Whether you accidentally broke your friends favorite necklace, or they let you borrow their car, and you scratched it pulling into the parking lot. The same is probably going on in their head about the cheating. They want to avoid contact with you for the fear of it being brought up. 

Another reason, is they're losing interest in you, and gaining interest in the other man/woman. It's pretty plain and simple. 

2. Avoiding seeing you: 

They're spending A LOT more time hanging out with friends, at work, alone, etc. If all of a sudden they stop spending so much time with you and are suddenly super interested in their friends and other things, even when you ask to hang out. . . Be warned!! They're distancing themselves from you either because they feel guilty, or have other things on their mind at the moment. Sometimes they could just be really busy for work or school, etc.

The best test, in my advice would be, ask them if they want you to bring them dinner, lunch etc. If they're just "home alone" and you ask them if they'd like company with their favorite foods/ movies, and they pass it up. . . you should definitely check that out. 

Talk to them, talk to their friends, etc. Don't straight up accuse them, because you don't want to be the jealous, paranoid bf/gf, but make sure they aren't two timing you either. 

3. They start texting they're "Mom"  or "Uncle Steve" a lot more than they ever did before: 

All of a sudden they have a an on-fire relationship with a family member again? I'm not saying it couldn't be relevant, or true, but if all of a sudden they're texting "Uncle Steve" or "Aunt Helen" at unimaginable amounts in the past two weeks, you should probably be a little cautious. I'm not condoning snooping, but if you snoop, I wouldn't have anything against you. If this happens, maybe bring up "How great it is they're suddenly in touch again" and see what his response is. If a family crisis occurs, or someone is getting married, having a baby etc, this is totally normal. But all of a sudden being "BFFs" with grandma? Unlikely. 

I would probably ask him  if there was anything going on with the family. If something is in fact going on, leave it, and wait to see how it plays out. If not, and if you're close enough with their family, maybe ask a sibling or parent casually. If they have no idea what you're talking about then Code Red. You need to figure out who "Grandma" is, and confront that. 

4. They start dressing up more often-smelling nice-wearing make up when they usually don't: 

Unless they have a job interview every day this week... there's obviously someone they're trying to impress. I will admit, I have my little phases where I like to dress up every day, and then I'll get tired of it again and go back to a normal wardrobe consisting of leggings, flannels, and scarfs. . . But if it's not in their normal character? Just keep a close eye on the situation and look for more signs. 

There's a lot more topics that we could discuss with cheating, but those are saved for another time. I hope this is helpful to whoever has been there, or thinks they might be there. DON'T BE A CHEATER. CHEATERS NEVER WIN. AND WINNERS NEVER CHEAT. 

Be a winner. 

Lost in Tinder-slation

For those of you who don't know what Tinder is, either A. Tune me out B. Get an iphone/apple product
C. There is no option C.

Tinder is an upcoming app for apple product users. It gives you the opportunity to talk with people between a 10-100 mile radius based on a profile of age, 5 pictures maximum, shared interest, and shared friends. You anonymously <3 or X people, until you are matched. Matching means you <3 a person and they <3 you. If given a match you can start a conversation or keep playing.

So here comes the fun part. When you get a match!

Alright, let's all admit it. For those of you who are on that "tinder grind" as my neighbor would say, you know you get a little confidence boost every time you get a match. Someone else shallowly likes you just as much as you shallowly liked them, usually they're pretty attractive or you found something interesting based on their profile. Then if one of you is brave enough you start a conversation.

So here is where the tinder-slation comes in to play. . .

My first night on Tinder, I nervously started the sorting process. Finally after a couple minutes I had my first match! Being thrilled, the pit dropped in my stomach when the "Send a message" or "Keep playing" option came up. I quickly did what any normal girl would do and messaged my best friend.

"What do I say??" I asked.
"Umm... Hi?" She said.

Being a complete moronic newbie I told her. "No way! It can't be that simple! Who the hell has a tinder and starts a conversation off with hey?"

So of course I thought of something really cheesey and cute to say. To put it simply, I did not receive a reply. Feeling like a complete idiot, I began my search over again. Aha! Finally another match! Stressing yet again, I was faced with the issue of "What do I say?" I messaged her again.

"Okay. Cute pick up line. Yeah"
"Hahaha okay" She said.

However before I could type anything, I was messaged first this time.

"Hey!"
*Face to palm*

WOW I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! HEY! WHAT A COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NON IDIOTIC WAY TO START A CONVERSATION........

"Hey!" I replied.

We began talking, and realized we had similar friends and interests.

Between conversations I started "Tinder-ing" again. As I came to find, they all began with some sort of hello, with the rare "You do realize you look like Mandy Moore, right? ;)" or "We should probably get different jersey's since you're out of my league ;)" ones. Which by the way, make my day entirely.

My friend Sea-biscuit (How he got that name is a completely different blog post yet to come) started tinder about a week ago, after I showed him one day during class. In one night, he had managed to get three girls phone numbers.

"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Well you see, I start off almost all my conversations with 'You're my favorite match so far.'" What a brilliant kid! That is freaking hysterical! But then it made me realize, If my dear sweet friend was pulling moves like that... why wouldn't other guys, who I barely even knew?

I became a little paranoid. I had given my number out to guys. Did this mean I was one of the many "favorite matches" too?

So I began interrogating Sea-Biscuit.
"So what do you actually say to them?"
"Well, you begin talking normally, throw in a couple compliments. About.. 30 minutes in you say something like "Well i'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight! And they just throw their numbers at you."

That's genius I thought to myself. Get the charm going, then wam! "Hey shawty what's your number?" and every time you eventually cave.

"Sometimes you get stuck though. And then you just gotta ask for advice from the bros. I'll be like sitting on the couch with one of them, and we'll both be tindering and then a girl will say something. So we swap and we're like "dude, girl said the same thing to me once, perfect line." and then they'll get stuck and I'm like "Bro. *click click click* This is gold."

I guess I can't really blame them though. I do that with my girlfriends. Although, we sit in a group text message and send screen shots and judge. "....He looks to short for you" "Ladies! 1-10? He's 5'10 and has a golden retriever." "Oh my god... total 10."

It's sometimes ridiculous the extent we go to. IT'S TINDER FOR GOODNESS SAKE! But yet, why is it so addicting?!

But sometimes you actually feel seriously about spending quality time texting or continuing the chat... so... as we go again... Tinder-slation can be very tricky.

So we can all agree, what is a conversation without a little bit of spice and flirtation? Sure, essentials like what your favorite color, and hockey team are important. But you shallowly liked the person because of usually one thing: Their attractiveness. You know it's true. Don't kid yourself. I admit it. Flirting is inevitable.

So you begin kind of flirtatiously dropping things like "Hey, you're super cute. . . we should meet up." My only issue, is most of my matches live around 50 miles away #bummer. But like I said, flirty never really hurt anyone. But there are things you need to make sure you're aware of.

Code Freaking RED:

1. When your so called normal conversation takes a turn for the sexual
So you've been talking for a while, throwing in the occasional winks, compliments, smiley faces. Then all of a sudden "So do you spit or swallow?" UM EXCUSE ME? WE WEREN'T EVEN DISCUSSING THAT. No offense, and maybe I'm alone, but do you really think I'm going to tell you that after holding a conversation of like.. an hour? Even after a couple days if it's really going smooth. It's a total turn off, creepy, and gross. I don't even know your last name. This is all happening so fast! Can I get pregnant from this? Since when is it okay to be so casual about that kind of stuff. 'Hey my name is dominic. So question, are you a top or bottom girl?" HARD PASS. HARD PASS.

. Send me a picture ;) 
Okay. . . Will you specify that? You want a picture of my face? My room? Stuffed elk hanging in my living room? Of course, the most often reaction is ".... I look really fat today though." Girls I know you feel me on this. If he asks you this, ask if he has a snap chat! If you're feeling like it's not gonna bite you in the ass, snap chats are pretty cool. Besides it gives you the chance to see what he's like. If he has an iphone, he can
download snapchat for free if he's that desperate for a pic. If he refuses, you probably don't want to be sending out your beautiful faces to the world anyways. Same goes for guys... but girls are more likely for this one. Sorry :/




3. Doesn't message you after you match

As cute as they are, I give my matches 3 days to strike up or reply to a conversation. I'll usually give them one day to message me, and if not i'll say Hi in case they're that guy(or girl) who likes girls(or guys) to make the first move. If you don't hear from that, either he's not interested, or has a girlfriend. Or they're just on there for the pure entertainment and ego boost of having "so many matches." "Omg that Cory is so cute! why wont they message me though?" My advice, block them! They're just cluttering up your actually interested match list anyways.

Friend or Foe?

This is for all you people drinking the hater-ade. I know, the term hater-ade is dorky but deal with it. For those of you saying you can't be friends with your ex's, you my sweet cheeks are in denial. And as we all assumed, I would know.

How to be friends with your Ex's 101:

Seriously, this should be an actual course, because mastering it can be difficult as. . . we all know what sometimes. I think everyone secretly wants to hate their ex on some level just because it helps with the disappointment things didn't work out. But truth is? Being friends works out in the long run, and actually makes you feel better. 

I think the reason some of us get so depressed over break-ups is not only because we lost someone we cared about, but we also lost a friend. It's really hard to just date someone without building a friendship first, and when it doesn't work out, we lose the friendship too. Well not anymore! I've managed to stay friends with most of my "ex's" and I'm pretty damn proud of that! 

So many of my girlfriends ask me, "Ugh, Why are you still friends with him? I could never do that. I don't want to be friends, mer mer mer." That's probably why I'm a lot happier and more confident about my love life than you. 

Trying to be friends with your ex takes some time and effort. A lot of times I thought to myself  "Is this even worth it?" and almost gave up, but the fact I stuck it out, made all the difference in the world. Truthfully, I'm almost better friends with some of my ex's than I am with my girlfriends. So that is a huge wake up call! It can be done!! 

The biggest thing you're going to need is time. Time is essential. You can't break up with someone and then 5 minutes later go back to being friends, I wish you could do that, but you can't. Life isn't that way. I had to take almost two months to really feel like my ex and I were okay, and on stable ground for continuing the friendship. We broke up, and the first couple of weeks, as accepting as I was of the fact we broke up, I can't say I wasn't over it. He then left on a trip for a month, and I spent that month hanging out with other guys and my friends. I was doing me. The fact I didn't have to see him, or hear about him every day made it easy to move on. By the time he returned I was excited, but on a friendly level. I had started seeing other people, spending time with my friends, it was great! And he and I were actually back to being like we were before we dated, hanging out and talking on a regular basis.

Another thing you need to do is actually move on! Find other people! I think people miss this step because they're afraid of hurting the others feelings. [Yeah, it's kind of a bummer or makes you uncomfortable when they finally take a step in the other direction, but that means they're wanting you to do the same]. Friends who are ex's who don't want what's best for the other, aren't good friends. It's going to be hard and knock the winds out of their sails a little when someone new rolls around, but just know it's almost a cue for them. You're saying to them: "It's okay you move on too." I was actually excited for my friend/ex when he got a new girlfriend-thing. If you're a real friend, or trying to be, you want them to be happy! So be encouraging, and talk to them about it! Because when one of you starts moving on, the other is going to be curious how it's going. 

The last thing, is reassure and TALK to them! When you say you're friends and then don't talk or hang out, it kind of defeats and contradicts the purpose. Why are you going to be friends, if you're not going to do friendly things? I still have a lot of fun with my ex's and it's never awkward. We dated, we should be pretty comfortable around one another. Make plans to go see a movie, or hang out. I don't see what the big deal is? You do it with all your other friends! Include them into things and let them know you still want to be apart of their life. If you get that feeling they don't really understand the "friendship" then reassure them you still want to be friends. Go to a concert together, go get lunch. Do something! If you state your friends, and don't act like it, then you're fooling yourself, and you aren't really friends. 

So for those of you who say you can't be friends with your exs. FALSE. I am friends with almost every single one of mine. It takes time and effort. You can't just be like "It's over, let's be friends. Hey wanna go get doughnuts?" No! But you can work yourself back up to that point. And what you realize when you get there is almost how much better friends you are after dating. I visit mine at college, go hang out on the weekends, and talk to them on a pretty regular basis. And I believe I am a truly happier person because of it, so I hope you take my advice, so you can be truly happy as well :) 

Well EX-cuse me

We've all had ex's. Now the word ex's always brings a certain feeling to everybody. For some of mine, it's the feeling of total disgust, others fondness, others sadness; It just depends on the person. But some of mine never seem to go away, and always, in someway or somehow bother me for more. I'm not being narcissistic when I say this, I don't really believe my ex's never got over me, and desperately want me again. . . I'm just saying, every once in a while one pops up at the most inconvenient time, always wanting something.

Let me just tell you this though, I'm fed up! And if you're an ex reading this, I'm not necessarily fed up with you personally, I'm just fed up with some of the BS you pull on me.

For all you people out there who have had to deal with ex problems, then this is for you, cause I say enough already! This needs to quit! Why must you taunt us with mixed signals? Are we friend or foe? Do you want me do you not want me? What is the deal? I just want an answer!
:( #FRUSTRATED.

THINGS YOUR EX'S DO & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

1.Put the moves on you post break-up:

I think this one is the most occurring, most confusing, and most frustrating thing ever! We broke up for a reason. . . what are you doing?! [Especially when they're the ones who broke up with YOU]. Ummmm hello???? Do you still have feelings for me....? Is this entertainment for you...? Why are you doing this....? Some of the million thoughts that run through our mind when this happens. I get that there will always be chemistry between you, and sometimes it's hard to fight, but really avoiding this is for the best. Unless they have real intentions of getting back together, as harmless and nostalgic as it is to flirt, don't play into this. It's not worth your time, and it's not going to change anything. It's just going to mix up your feelings for one another, and before you know it, one person still has feelings for the other, and it turns into a huge ole mess.

Example:

My boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of summer, and it was pretty mutual. We got together one afternoon to talk and both knew where it was going. There was still chemistry, but it was just time. That night we were at a party, when I was about to leave, I went in for a hug, you know, to show we could still be friends. . . turns out it wouldn't end like that. Nope, he went in for a full on kiss, and I'm talking like a we didn't break up a couple of hours ago, and we're still together kiss. It totally threw me off. I stopped mid way and was like "Wait, this is confusing." And his response? "So..?" OKAY, WHAT THE HELL?!

What to do about it:

As much as you want to pretend like "Oh it's just one time" and "It's not that big of a deal" No! Do not fool yourself, it is a big deal and you know it. When they pull this kind of BS on you, it's not okay! It's not one time! That just means your opening all new doors to things that are going to make your life confusing and miserable. Okay, perhaps a bit dramatic, but I'm serious! It's going to make them think it's okay to play with your feelings, an that they still have power over you. No one really moves on from the break up because their always going to remain an option in your mind.
If this happens you need to man or woman up and tell them how you feel. As dumb as you may seem, it's the best and only way. Straight up ask them how they feel about you. If their response isn't "I made a mistake I want to get back together 100% , right now" then it's good you caught it early on. This has happened to me, and I never did anything about it, thinking it was okay. Little did I know, I would spend another few months of my life wondering what their reasoning was behind it. When I finally got up the courage to ask it was "because it was convenient for them, and I was someone they still had good chemistry with, and knew what they were doing with." Wow, not the reaction I was hoping for! Well hello! Most of the time that's going to be the reaction for you. So when something like this comes along, nip it in the bud and call them out on it. Or else you're in for a whole lot of trouble.

2. Are total d-bags when the break-up, so you thought, ended smoothly:

They're probably just butt hurt, or don't want you to feel like there is still a connection, or both. Or they really are just a jerk.
 I don't know if I'll understand why, but to the best of my ability I'll contribute to solving the mystery. So let's go with the first one. Even though you're broken up, you will always have some sort of feelings for the other. Maybe they're buried way deep down, like you'd shed a tear if they died, but hey! That still counts! ....So they're butt hurt (upset). Sometimes during break ups that we think went smoothly, there are unresolved, and un...stated feelings. A lot of times, we don't want to seem like the desperate one, so we just casually agree that breaking up is the best, even when we disagree. You state that you will continue to be friends, but it takes time and effort to actually be comfortable with the idea. If it's within a two week radius or so of post break-up-ness, I'd just let it slide, it'll probably blow over sooner than you think.
Signs/Symptoms of being butt hurt:
1. Bitter behavior (i.e snappy remarks, mean jokes, etc.)
2. Mood-swings (i.e being totally happy and then totally crabby two seconds later)
3. Ignoring (don't respond)
4. It's been a while, I'll get back to you on more signs/symptoms

Cures:
1. Time

Okay, moving on. . .Option: they don't want you to feel like there is still a connection. This one basically explains itself. As totally immature, and stupid this one sounds, it makes sense. Even though you broke up, and it went smoothly, no one wants to pull a #1. (Puts moves on you post break up). Although a friendly gesture could totally just be a friendly gesture, post break up sometimes could send unintentional, mixed signals. Being in a relationship changes a lot of things, even when we don't want it to. You begin over analyzing everything your ex does and what it means. The best way to sort this one out is to just to talk to them and reassure them you're just friends, and you know that. When they feel comfortable and assured that you know it's now just a friendship, they'll stop being so awkward, jerky, and cautious about what they're doing.
Signs/Symptoms:
1. Signs/symptoms of being butt hurt
2. Continues for a while
3. Bragging about hook-ups
4. Treating you as much like "one of the guys/girls" as possible



Cures:
1. Confrontation (the reassuring kind, not sloppy drunk girl kind)
2. Get a new significant other
3. Time...

Last but not least, they really are just a jerk. If they're just being completely insincere to you in all ways, then sweetheart you should be glad you're not with them anymore. They're too immature to be a normal human being and treat your feelings with respect. Don't take it too personally, they're just an idiot.

3. They act like you've never dated or been together:

I can understand this one, and I don't think just because you've dated someone, and it didn't work out you should automatically brand them with EX, but acknowledging the fact once in a while doesn't kill you, does it? I agree that once you've broken up, if you remain friends, you should focus more on the fact that you're friends, but the fact you were together shouldn't just be brushed under the rug. Sometimes it's important to verify, clarify, and remember. Whether it worked out or not, people like to be acknowledged for being someone special. It's healthy and normal. I know when I don't even get credited for being a medium-termed girlfriend, it's kind of a bummer. I don't want to be referred to that all the time, but if you're going to associate with me, the fact we dated shouldn't really be thrown out of the "list of memories and good times" if you know what I mean.

Example:
My sister and her boyfriend were both associated with the Greek life at college. When my ex boyfriend went to school, he called me one night he was going to a frat party. He told me he was going to the same house my sister's boyfriend's apart of and asked if he could name drop to help him "make some friends" or at least converse with people. When asked what he would say if he got a reaction his response was something along the lines of  "Oh yeah, I know her sister. Or like I hooked up with her sister. Or I'm friends with her sister." Haha, glad I was so much more to you in our relationship than a hookup? Um okay?

 Like I said, it shouldn't be a permanent label or really an important one at that, but when appropriate, it should be acknowledged damnit! You wouldn't refer to a pet dog as "this random dog living in your house for a while" No! So don't forget us ex's exist too! Especially when you begin seeing other people, they should know you have a history, whether it's important to you or not. And if they meet so called history they should know who you are, even if it doesn't matter anymore. I rest my case.

What to do about it:
There's really nothing you can do unless it really bothers you, then I guess confront it? But just remember for when your exs roll around.

Ivan-t you to Want Me

My dating life has never been super lucky. I mean granite, a girl at 18 shouldn't really have that much history or experience with boyfriends, but compared to the rest of my friends... I'm still a little far behind.

It was this past summer, in June my boyfriend and I of 5 months had split up, and I was back on the menu so to speak. I began, I'm not sure if seeing is the correct term, but seeing if you will, this other guy. Things were pretty good, but he was leaving back to college at the beginning of August, and I would be finishing my last year of high school, so we stopped seeing each other as often. During this lull in our "relationship" I was befriended by a local boy who moved into town to attend the community college. I had seen him working in a local clothing shop a couple times before hand, but he never stroke up a conversation until now. He had all the right lines and things girls wanted to hear so I accepted a date with him.


There was a comet shower the night of our date so instead of doing something generic like dinner or a movie, we decided to lay on the hood of my car with blankets instead. Snuggled up underneath blankets, we talked and laughed and shared stories; but the funny thing is we weren't even touching. It was a romantic evening and he seemed to be the perfect gentleman. The night was cooling down and my mom started ringing the bell to pack up and head home, so I drove him back to his ruckus at a parking lot down the hill.
"I had a really nice time tonight, and I'd love to go on a second date if you want to" He told me.
"Yeah a second date would be really nice" I replied.
"Call me when you get home?" I knew it wasn't a question, but I smiled back "Of course".
He then hesitantly leaned in, and kissed me. Nothing big or long, just a tiny peck on the lips.
"Okay," He abruptly stated as he started the bike. "I'll talk to you later."
"...Yeah..." I said getting into my car. That was a little weird.

We continued to see one another as the days progressed into weeks and so forth. He would text me every minute we weren't together, and continually persuaded me to visit him at work. "You're so beautiful" "Come visit me!" "Babe, Dear, Sweetie, Love, Hun" he was almost too sweet.

"He's really nice" I skyped to my best friend who was studying abroad in Argentina. "Like almost too sweet!"
"Haha, Right? It's almost annoying how nice they are! But I'm happy for you, you deserve someone to actually treat you like you deserve!"

And I was happy, I finally found a genuinely nice guy! Things started feeling more comfortable, and it seemed he almost made a priority that I fit in with his life style. I spent countless nights with him and his roommates cooking dinner, watching movies, and playing Mario Kart (which is a nightly ritual). He would introduce me to his friends or people he knew as "This is my girlfriend Liesl" even when we never talked about our status.
"I really like you and want to be exclusive with you," He would tell me. "I just want you to want the same thing."
But I wasn't sure if I did at the time. I did really like him, and he was totally sweet. I thought of him as my boyfriend. So why was it so hard to commit? My ex boyfriend and I were over, and so was I with the other guy who was back at college.
"I really like you too; let's just see how it goes." I would answer back.

The beginning of the school year was vastly approaching, and our relationship was vastly progressing. Things started feeling serious. We started talking about big subjects and started getting into that "groove" (everyone whose been in relationships know what I'm talking about). We were slowly getting out of the honey moon stage, and started getting into the "old comfortable shoe" area. We started picking things up with other aspects of our lives: School, friends, work. The text messages stopped being as endearing, the trips to his house became less and less enthusiastic.
"We need to move on in our relationship" I would find him say. "Get past the big elephant in the room."  I think you all know what I'm talking about here, so I'm not even going to say it.

That I was definitely hesitant on, and it was a pretty big deal for me. We had only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, and although we felt comfortable with one another, I didn't want to risk it so early. We had talked about it, and he seemed fine with the fact I wanted to take things slow and not rush into anything, but lately he was getting antsy. . . and I could tell. I started shying away from the subject but it began being inevitable. Every single day it would get brought up and I was getting tired of arguing my case. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal I was making it out to be? Maybe I was just being too cautious? Too selfish?

The school year officially started for the both of us, so talking as often went down to a pretty low minimum. Finally a weekend approached and we planned to hang out. He picked me up, and we drove over to his apartment. . . No roommates insight.
"They're stargazing up at the falls," he told me.
"Oh," I said. We sat down on the couch and started to cuddle. The tense-ness started melting away, and we began kissing.
"Let's go upstairs," he whispered into my ear and kissed my forehead.
"...Okay." I whispered back.

No one will no what happened after we went upstairs. . . Maybe we got over "the big elephant in the room" or maybe I said no, but before I knew it, I was back in my bed asleep at home. "I'll call you tomorrow," He said and kissed me as I got out of the car. He didn't look at me as I opened the door.
"Okay," I smiled.

Things, as I assumed, took a turn for the worst. The next day I didn't receive a call, or text. With any other guy, this would have totally been normal; but for him, Not a good sign.
"He's probably just busy," I thought to myself. "Stop freaking out." But I couldn't help that pit in my stomach. A woman's intuition is really accurate. . . all the time.

Talking turned into one response conversations for 10 minutes, then silence for another day or two. This lasted about a week. Finally, I was through with the bullshit. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to hear it and know.

This is done isn't it?
I'm just to busy for you and this right now.
Yeah I understand.


And that was the end of that. No "I'm sorry." No explanation. Just... three words. Awesome.

I don't really like confronting things or making big deals about little things. The last thing I wanted was to be the crazy "ex girlfriend" who was too dumb to "see it coming" but really, I didn't see it coming at all. I didn't cry, or eat gallons of ice cream, and throw shit around my room. I messaged my bestfriend.

"WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHE-BAG" she said comforting me the best she could. "UGGGHHH I HATE GUYS! I'M SO FREAKING GLAD TO BE HERE IN ARGENTINA WHERE I CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM."

"Haha, can I come visit you?" I would always ask. Really dealing with the fact I was basically dumped on my ass wasn't that hard, just going through it alone was the hardest. It was on my mind, all the time.

"Hey. I miss you, and could reeeaaalllyyyy use a hug right now. :(" I sent my ex boyfriend.


"Hey! Are you alright? I miss you too. College is pretty crazy. I have special hugs? I'd totally give you one if I could!" He'd reply. At least I had one... decent one... in the pumpkin patch. "I can't really talk right now, and I'm not sure what's going on but I love you and call me tomorrow or something and we'll talk."



(Not Real Text Message)

I never called back the next day but it was at least reassuring. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. My best friend came home from Argentina, Halloween, Thanksgiving. Time was flying by, but it was still hard getting past the mishap in September.

Finally mid December approached. One of my girl-friends had gotten a job at the same clothing shop he worked in. I had avoided going in after the incident, but finally, I was over it.

"It's my first day!" she said. "Dude come visit me!"
"Haha alright" I said.
"Okay, I work at 3."

I pulled up outside the store but I wasn't scared or nervous. I pulled my head up with confidence and put a smile on my face. It was a little after three, and I was going to call her to see if it was okay to stop in. I searched all around for my phone but couldn't find it. I left it at home charging when I was in a rush to get to class this morning. Oh well. I got out of my car and made a strut into the store.
Please don't be working, please don't be working. I thought to myself as I entered the store and look around.
Of course. . . He's at the front counter. . . alone.

"Hey!" He smiled and looked suprised to see me. It was a happy/excited surprise though, not an "Oh shit" suprise I was expecting.
"Weird." I said to myself. "Um hey!" I smiled back. "...Is umm... Is emily here?"
His face dropped a little bit in disappointment. "Oh yeah.. uh. . . she's in back right now."
"Oh, ha" this was awkward. "I uh. . . she told me to come in and say hi." I shrugged.
"Well you should come back tomorrow. She's just training today so she wont be out on the floor really."
You can't just tell her to come out for 20 seconds?
"Oh. Um alright. I guess I'll be back tomorrow then" I said enthusiastically. "It was good too see you" I said walking out the door.
"Yeah," he called back. "I was really good seeing you too."

I got home and grabbed my phone to check all the text messages, calls, and emails I missed that day.
8 new text messages

I scrolled through the list, and to my surprise 4 were from him. . . from 9 am that morning.

AWKWARD.

Hey.
I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now.
I just wanted to apologize for everything I did. I'm sorry for ever hurting you and treating you the way I did. I can understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you last night and realized how much of a jerk I am. I hope you can forgive me one day, and I hope we could be friends. I'm sorry for hurting you. I really am.

DOUBLE AWKWARD

This was the reason for the excited/happy surprise demeanor. Ohhh this is awkward. I didn't know he sent that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You're laughing too, and that's okay. Well if you're wondering what happened next, I accepted his apology, and we moved on with our lives. We occasionally text one another, hang out (the rarest moments), and he gives me discounts when I need new clothes or buy something from the store. Attempting to be friends is difficult at times, but it's better than nothing, and I'm glad not to be bitter towards him anymore. If you're someone who knows me at all, being unhappy is not my strongest suit.