Our Greatest Love

I feel like spending time at home, away from the chaos of school and college, always creates a sense of clear-mindedness. Maybe it's just the mountain air, the water, and the scenery. . . but I always find more pieces of myself and life that were once lurking in darker corners. For a while it seemed like my life as I knew it, just ended up crumbling into a million little pieces all in a matter of days. A dark gloomy cloud of confused emotions, thoughts, and questions about why all the things that were happening just, wouldn't go away; and I began taking it out on myself. What was I doing wrong that caused all these things to happen? Why me? And why on earth was it all happening now? What did I do to deserve all this?

It wasn't until I boarded a plane to Mexico for two weeks that I finally realize that sometimes god throws things at us, and if we can make it out alive, we end up stronger in the end. For a while I wondered why bad things happened to good people, and why good things happened to bad people. . . and then I just said to my self, "SCREW IT," and kicked my butt into gear. I relaxed, and slept, and tanned. I took the time I needed for myself and it might have been the most satisfying and needed thing, I well, needed. Let's be honest, a few margaritas in general can make you forget the people and things that made you feel inadequate, but when it actually starts to sink in without the help of tequila, it's a whole new feeling. Taking time away to be alone, I realized how much love I needed to pour back into myself; and realized that I was going to dedicate this summer to me. 

When I finally arrived back in Colorado, I was tanned and ready to take it on. I surrounded myself with the best of friends anyone could possibly ask for, and started doing the things that made me feel alive and good. For a while my life had turned completely upside down. Having some of the people you trust in and care about the most hurt you and break you, it's a lot to handle. Not to mention adding the stress of finals. My life in one word was this: overwhelming. But now it was as if those things that made me feel so sad and incomplete never happened. 

I started falling in love with myself again, and I realized, it might be the strongest love one can give and receive in life. Despite whether or not we have things that contribute to our blindness; or whether or not we aren't in tune with the things that satisfy us, and make us feel whole, I think most of us spend the majority of our lives finding things to fill our gaps. However, the truth of that matter is: the things to fill our gaps aren't even things at all; It's us. 

Life is confusing, and chaotic, and full of things that want to suppress us. I've seen it swallow up friends and put them down, and it's sad. It swallowed me up for a time, its swallowed me up many times, but the strongest way to get out of it, is self love and acceptance. It sounds cheesy but it's true; and I don't think I ever really realized it until now. When we lose site of the things that make us feel alive, are we really living? I think the answer is no. 

Carrie Bradshaw once stated, "Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." And it's stuck with me since. I think when we are truly happy with ourselves, we're happy with life. I know I feel much better about myself and more confident when I wear high heels. I'm 5'8 flat footed, and about 6'1 in high heels depending on the shoe. It used to stop me for a while, because I tower over half the guys in the room, but now nothing stands in the way of me and my wedges. I feel better when I'm working out all the time. Just because I'm tired one day, doesn't mean I can't get in some sort of exercise. I feel better when my nails are painted and my hair is curled and my skin is kissed by the sun. I feel better when my relationships with the important people in my life are thriving. I feel better when I get a birds eye view over mountaintops. I feel better when I can sing in my car at the top of my lungs, and laugh because when my voice cracks on the high notes I look over to my girlfriend and say "I HIT IT!!" These are the things I realized when I stopped drowning myself in things that made me feel inadequate and started drowning myself in the things that made me feel worth while. 

Do the things that make you feel alive. Life is for living (and loving); and when you love yourself the rest just comes. 

Confidence is Key

Hello readers!! Here is my (...second...) first post of the new year! It seems that I can only get these thoughts out when listening to the queen of music and love herself: Lana. Such a goddess. ANYWAYS! This semester is even crazier then the last but I'm hoping it will mellow out soon so I can spend more time dedicated to you lovely people. There are a bunch of new things going on in my life right new jobs, friends, people and I can't wait to share with you soon!!! However, this blog post is about something that is hitting close to home lately with some friends! However, as I don't make blogs just for one person, this one is for all of you! So keep reading, welcome back, and enjoy :).

Confidence is Key

Growing up I have always been taught that with confidence and courage you can achieve almost anything. If you believe it, you can achieve it, and other cliches like that. Confidence is sexy.

When dealing with new people in your life, or even people that you've been with for a while, it is crucial to be confident in yourself and your actions. You have to work for what you want, and if they are someone that you really want, then putting yourself out there and on the line is inevitable. No one gets what they want just sitting around and doing nothing about it. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. There is no room for stage fright when it comes to relationships, only butterflies. 

Yes, liking someone new is scary and trying to get yourself on their radar is always a step out of the normal comfort zone is well, uncomfortable but its ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. You gotta put yourself out there, get on their radar, and say "Hey! Look at me!" So, like always, I got some tips and insight for you. 

The Medicine? 

Baby Steps

The first thing you need to evaluate is what you want from this person. Are you looking for more of a friendship? To introduce yourself? To hookup? To date? Figure that out first, and move on from there. However. . . for any of these. . . Just get on their radar! Are they in your class? Go sit down next to them and talk to them! I'm sure if you asked a pretty girl or cute guy if you could sit next to them and introduced yourself, they're going to be more than flattered. The first move is always one of the most important. Let's say now, that you have been talking to each other for a while, or at least know each other well enough as acquaintances . . . but you want to move on further than that; you should ask them to hang out! The worst thing that can happen is they say no, which I guess if you look at it, depending on how much you like them, could be upsetting, but on the bright side, at least they aren't leading you on. More often then not though, they're going to say yes. Here is the important thing though, make sure you're asking them to hang out and do something fun! No one wants to do chemistry homework for fun, and although that's an easy out, push yourself! If you stay in your shy bubble and only associate them with school work because you're too nervous, you're never going to get what you want out of it. Sure sometimes we fall for our lab partners, but I'm sure real love didn't come out of an algebra equation. 

Going with Flow

Congrats! You have now made it past the awkward ice breaker move and have now started talking to this person you like. The stage now is just to go with the flow, and if you like them, keep being persistent. If you want to talk to them don't be hesitant about it! Obviously if they keep responding then they like talking to you just as much as you like talking to them. I feel like our generation feels so insecure with talking to people for the sake of being clingy, or not talking to people enough because we want to seem reserved and cool. "Am I annoying them? I have to wait at least 10 minutes to open this text messages so they don't think I'm too eager." I think... that.... is BS. If you want to talk to a person talk to them! Don't play games no one wants to play. You aren't Chuck and Blaire from Gossip Girl, and it's not fun. Be confident in your situation, and address your insecurities with courage! I believe in you and it's time you believed in yourself. Let's face it, we're simple minded creatures. We either A. Over analyze things or B. Don't analyze them at all. 

If you're only asking to do things like homework with this person, or only texting them occasionally, they aren't going to think you're really interested further than that. Be confident that you are a dime piece, and someone worth wanting (because you are). Don't be afraid to flirt a little, tell them how you feel, an to talk to them! Everyone wants to feel wanted. 

Actions Speak Louder than Words 

Too relevant: Don't be afraid to let your actions speak louder than your words! If you care about this person then show them! I'm not saying you have to go and splurge on a bouquet of flowers (even though that is a great gesture *cough cough guys cough cough*) but a simple homemade meal, or taking a night to relax with your significant other because they're stressed can go a long way. Sometimes It's nice and more meaningful to stay in and be together than to go out like you originally planned. I'm sure if a guy asked me to come over just to make me a simple (even ramen) dinner, and to watch a movie, I would be way more touched then a nice dinner out. Not that thats not important or I wouldn't accept that, but the little things are what counts because one day they may become big things. Keep things spontaneous and be courageous with your actions. If you did something own up to it, or if you want to do something do it! The only person keeping yourself from what you want is you! Don't let you become an obstacle. 

Don't Confuse Confidence with Cockiness 

At least for me, there is a thick line between confidence and cockiness. Confidence is going up to that cute person at a party or in your class and starting a conversation; Cockiness is doing the same thing and then bragging about something during it. Yes, I care that you're athletic. No, I don't care how much you dead lifted this morning at the gym. Yes, he cares that you look pretty tonight. No, he doesn't care that your bag someone just spilt beer on was $400. Confidence is sexy, cockiness is not. It's never okay to compromise who you are, and sometimes cockiness is just over-exuberated confidence, but remember humbleness is also sexy. Now you probably just went, "You just totally contradicted you're entire post." I guess in a way you could think that, but at least for this little section It's true. Be confident in yourself, but don't be an unapproachable, unlikeable confident. You just come across as an asshole. 

I guess the moral of this whole story, is be yourself, don't compromise who you are, but be confident! You are you for a reason, and you have the power to be whoever you want to be! You're one hot piece of pie and I think it's time you embrace it!! Boom. 

A Brave New World

As the posts and statuses about new years resolutions and reflections on the previous year finally die down on Facebook and other social media sites, I was finally able to come up with my own rendition. 

This One's For You-

2013 has been one hell of a year, and I'm going to start with that. I went through the worst case of senior-itis I could possibly imagine, had basement parties, one where my parents $2,500 dollar bottle of wine was stolen (And yes, I will always remember that. You know who you are), almost failed AP Statistics, went on a week vacation to Costa Rica with 65 of the coolest people and parents around, graduated high school, worked full-time at my summer job, and most importantly, embarked on the greatest journey of my life known as: College. 

I have lived in a small town, no bigger than maybe 15,000 people for 18 years of my life. Born and raised. There are people I have baby pictures with all the way up to senior prom and graduation. Main street is 11 blocks long, and no matter what hour of day you go to the super store, even 10:59 at night, there is a guarantee you will run into someone you know. Everyone knows everyone, everyone says Hi, and waves. There's a drugstore with an old-fashioned soda fountain, and farmers markets every saturday morning in the summer. We tube the river for fun, or ski in the day; go trash bag sledding down the mini-pipe at two in the morning because there is nothing better to do. One of your best friends is Netflix, and you can probably outdrink anyone new you meet because if you didn't graduate SSHS with an MIP you're probably a prodigy child, extremely lucky, or a fast runner. 

The Wells Fargo parking lot was like the Walmart Parking lot, for any of you country fans out there. It was, and still is the heart of all high school meet-ups, or just a place to kill time and jam out in your car to classic rock while air-guitaring with your friends. Walgreens didn't appear on a corner until 2012; and Jamba Juice, Noodles and Co. Target and Panera Bread are basically inventions made by Jesus because the closest one for ANY of those is at least two hours away. 

Growing up here was a bubble; Not much racial diversity, sexual diversity, or class diversity. Mostly everyone was the same. Throughout my lifetime here I changed groups of friends every couple years, but never losing touch with any. By senior year I belonged to a friend-group of at least 15 girls and counting, and everyone was closer than ever. 2013 united as one baby! As the options of college finally came to a surface it was apparent we were all headed in separate directions. The majority of us went out of state, the few including myself sticking to the homeland of Colorado. 

CU Boulder. Maybe the most magnificent place on earth in my opinion. A gorgeous campus, a gorgeous backdrop, a gorgeous set of people (literally. Everyone at CU is good-looking. Am I right?).  

First semester pushed me to new heights. It pushed me to make new friends, to succeed in my academics, and coming out after the too-short-of-months I've been there. . . I would say I came out on top. I made an amazing group of friends (SHOUT OUT TO ALL YA'LL I SURE DO LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU) made Dean's list, and most of all, made a new home. 

Being away really changes your perspective on life. It forces you to grow in yourself and others. It tests you, and makes you ask yourself "Is this really what I need to be doing? Am I suppose to be here? Is this right?" You no longer have the shadow of parents over-looking your shoulders and guiding you. The only person guiding you is YOU. And that's a huge thing! For once in your life, you're completely your own life jacket, and it's sink or swim. Thankfully my parents made me take some swim lessons as a child. 

Being back and entering a new year has made me realize a lot of things about myself and my life. Being back made me realize that I'm okay with not going to every single party while I'm here; that I'm okay with not seeing or talking to my friends 24/7; that hanging out with my parents and family is actually extremely enjoyable and rewarding; that sometimes your siblings can be a best friend in hiding, and that people can change and that's okay. 

While packing to leave I finally came to terms with myself, that this time, it's more of a "goodbye" then a "see you later". While moving on with my life, and taking on new adventures and responsibilities, I guess I forgot about the fact leaving from this break is a last time "truly home", at least for a while. Choosing, at least hopefully, to find a new path over the summer was too exciting, and I never took the time to really enjoy the fact, this is no longer my life. I didn't take the time all break to stand on my porch and breathe in the fresh, crisp air. I didn't take time to watch the alpenglow on the mountain light the snow orange. I didn't take the time to appreciate "rush hour traffic" being no more than 10 minutes long, because lets be real, Steamboat only takes maybe 15 minutes to get from one side to the other with no traffic. But I also didn't take the time to really appreciate the relationships I have here that I'm more or less saying a goodbye to then see you later. 

For all of you out here who just panicked. DO NOT FEAR!! I WILL BE BACK! But it wont be for a while. June it's looking like, but that's still a long time from now. Moving on in life is probably one of the most beautiful things that could happen. Don't get me wrong, leaving everything behind and starting anew isn't what I'm encouraging. . . But being okay with goodbyes over see you laters is kind of riveting, and well needed in life sometimes. I guess looking back on my year, and even life in this small little colorado town, I've finally found peace in goodbyes, and that's a beautiful thing I think. 

However, for now, I will not say goodbye to you; But rather a very long and extended "See you later". Despite what my heart knows, wants, and needs. . . There will be always be a constant little reminder and smile remembering the fond memories I've had here, and the ones I've yet to make somewhere else. 

Happy 2014 everyone :) Let's make this a good one. 

NOTE: 

15,000 page view you guys!?!?!?! GAH I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you so so so much for your support, and for actually reading my blog! Can't wait to entice your reading senses with more for this coming year!! XOXO <3 KEEP READING AND ROCKING ON! 

Love-

Me :)