Raise your hand if you've ever had an Ex! In this moment I just imagined the gymnasium from Mean Girls when Tina Fay asked if anyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George,(Which, NBD, I found a gif) ^^ And; if you haven't seen Mean Girls and don't know what I'm talking about you should. . . because it's a fantastic movie. My gosh that thing is distracting! Look past it! Focus on the words! Anyways the real point of that whole ramble, was because everyone has had an ex, just like how everyone had felt personally victimized by Regina George. Maybe, your ex was like Regina George, and now I feel bad for you. But this is beside the point, I'll sympathize with you later.
The point of this is that I'm finally calling myself out, and by doing that I'm calling you out too.
DO. NOT. SLEEP/HOOKUP. WITH. YOUR. EX. and if you are. STOP. SLEEPING/HOOKING UP. WITH. YOUR. EX
What? What did she just say? Yes. STOP er uh DO NOT if you aren't. This is baaaaaaaaaaad. Capital B A D bad. (My gosh this is a lot of capital letters. Maybe because it's important!!)
The first step in resolving a problem, is admitting you have one. I admit, I have had this issue, and if you're reading this, 90% chance is that you have too! Yay, we aren't alone!
Now that we're past this awkward moment of bringing it out in the open, let's talk about it.
When you break up with someone, it's obviously for a certain reason. Maybe it was just time, or they cheated (See previous blogs) maybe you cheated, maybe they just aren't who you thought they were. There are plenty of reasons; But it's a reason non the less!
Just because you still have care in your heart for the person doesn't mean they got moved off the totem poll from significant other to friends with benefits. If they're going down, they're going down pretty far.
I've briefly touched on this in a previous blog, but I was requested to expand, and I'm having writers block/material on all my other ideas. This one, however, this one I shaming-ly have a slight advantage in.
I think people find it's okay to sleep with an ex for many reasons. Maybe they don't want to "raise their number" or because they've been in a relationship, they know how the other person works, and how the job, so to speak, will get done.
However, I don't think what people take into account is the emotional attachment. "No we're broken up it's totally fine, we're over each other" Yeah. You think that. Or more or less, you Like to think that. NOOOOOOOO You still obviously have feelings! And if you don't, then they're gonna come back, and you're going to be a big confused mess.
Unless you can be completely no strings attached with the person, then it's going to be really hard after sometime. You might be over them now, but everyone knows hooking up and sleeping together digs up a completely new realm of feelings. And who even knows if there can be no strings attached with anyone! If you can do it, then by all means, disregard everything i'm saying.. although keep reading cause it'll give you a laugh, but unless you've mastered that, Maybe Reconsider.
Not to mention, there could be unfortunate events that happen to you because you decide to participate in activities like this.......
A previous Ex of mine and I, tended to get together every once in a while after we had broken up. We had remained very close friends, and it was casual to hang out. But every so often, we would get caught up in that moment of laughing over something, or those pauses, and you know exactly what I'm talking about here. Those pauses where you're both thinking the same thing, and slowly but surely it ends up in those good old, 30 second make outs sesh. Where you take them from there is completely your own decision but chances are, they don't always stop there.
Doing things like this had later lead to me sneaking him into my parents home over Christmas break after a party. I had a bad night with my friends, and we ended up on the balcony of the hotel room where the party was hosted. It initially had lead to a brief kiss, and then progressed. "Lets get out of here" would be the ideal phrase that was said. Or at least something along those lines. I had taken every precaution not to get caught. I turned the lights off of my car when I pulled into the driveway, and we even closed our car doors at the same time to make sure there wasn't multiple slams. We quietly snuck into my basement, and he went straight into my room as I went up into my parents room to tell them I was home. I snuck back downstairs, into my room, and locked the door. We whispered when we talked, it was as if a mouse was living in my room, and not a teenage girl. We would have almost gotten away with it, except he was getting over a mean bronchitis he'd had for months. That is when the coughing started. And people, let me tell you, these could not be mistaken for girly coughs unfortunately, and they were loud. I quickly sprung over and covered his mouth.
"My gosh! SSSSSSHHHHHHH"
"I'm sorry!" He whispered between coughs. "I can't breathe!"
"YOU'RE BEING SO LOUD!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
The coughing continued, no efforts to be muffled. Unbelievable.
When they had stopped, we continued to make an escape plan. Then all of a sudden, there were light taps on my door. The fear crossed both of our faces as we looked at each other and then the door. He moved to a corner of my room farthest from the door.
"Lies...." Oh. God.
"....Yeah Mom...?'
"You know what....."
".....Okay..."
Yes, we were caught by my mother. She had forgotten if I had checked in or not, and came downstairs. When she had gotten to my door she heard the coughing, and panicked. We had both gotten a bit of a lecture in the single-lamp lit family room at 3 am that night; Sent back into my room to retrieve our things, and I drove him back to his car. We laughed about it the whole time, but safe to be said, that was the end of that shenanigans. I haven't told anyone about that until now. And yet, I don't know why. It's hysterical. If you know me at all, you would know I have the worst luck ever, and of course this would happen to me.
So moral of the story: Not only will doing things like this lead you to be caught by your mother at 3 am over Christmas, but It could also lead to emotional attachments.
A different ex had proclaimed he was in love with me after we hung out a couple times before he moved away, and we had a good bye kiss. I was sitting in bed one night, and then randomly I received a text message on my phone.
'I love you'
WHAT?! No, You can't love me. You didn't before
'Yes, I'm inlove with you'
NO. NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.
And as much as I cared about him as a friend, It was really hard to deal with the fact I couldn't say the three words back. I'm not the girl who will say things I don't mean. I will never tell someone I'm in love with them if I'm not. And so far, I haven't been in love, so I'm still waiting.
And of course it ruined the friendship we had worked so hard on.
As much as being back together physically with an ex seems like a good idea, just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. You obviously broke up for a reason, and you should keep that reason. Unless you are still both completely head over heels for one another and are on the road of recovery, Move on.
After the Christmas incident, I finally became intuned with the fact, I had zero feelings in that manner. Basically my mother gave the ultimatum of "Get your sh*t together and get back together, or stop doing this" and as if not thinking about it, we decided the second. It wouldn't work out again, and we both knew it. And now, there are no underlying-unresolved feelings or confusion. It's a solid friendship again. It's great. KEEP YOURS THAT WAY PLEASEEEEEE. DON'T BE LIKE ME.
And not in the offensive way, like that it was a horrible idea to do that, it wasn't. But it wasn't healthy. Whether he knew it or not, I spent time on it after wondering what the meaning was behind it. What he thought, why were were doing that. And as soon as we decided to stop it ALL, I stopped feeling insecure in the friendship we had. I knew we were meant to be great friends, and I'm happy to report it's stayed like that.
Find someone new! Keep your ex in your life if they were/are important to you, they make great friends, advice givers, and shoulders to cry on. They understand you, your needs, and things you need to work on. But they do not make good hookups, It just takes you 3 steps back in your progress.
However, I don't think what people take into account is the emotional attachment. "No we're broken up it's totally fine, we're over each other" Yeah. You think that. Or more or less, you Like to think that. NOOOOOOOO You still obviously have feelings! And if you don't, then they're gonna come back, and you're going to be a big confused mess.
Unless you can be completely no strings attached with the person, then it's going to be really hard after sometime. You might be over them now, but everyone knows hooking up and sleeping together digs up a completely new realm of feelings. And who even knows if there can be no strings attached with anyone! If you can do it, then by all means, disregard everything i'm saying.. although keep reading cause it'll give you a laugh, but unless you've mastered that, Maybe Reconsider.
Not to mention, there could be unfortunate events that happen to you because you decide to participate in activities like this.......
STORY TIME!
A previous Ex of mine and I, tended to get together every once in a while after we had broken up. We had remained very close friends, and it was casual to hang out. But every so often, we would get caught up in that moment of laughing over something, or those pauses, and you know exactly what I'm talking about here. Those pauses where you're both thinking the same thing, and slowly but surely it ends up in those good old, 30 second make outs sesh. Where you take them from there is completely your own decision but chances are, they don't always stop there.Doing things like this had later lead to me sneaking him into my parents home over Christmas break after a party. I had a bad night with my friends, and we ended up on the balcony of the hotel room where the party was hosted. It initially had lead to a brief kiss, and then progressed. "Lets get out of here" would be the ideal phrase that was said. Or at least something along those lines. I had taken every precaution not to get caught. I turned the lights off of my car when I pulled into the driveway, and we even closed our car doors at the same time to make sure there wasn't multiple slams. We quietly snuck into my basement, and he went straight into my room as I went up into my parents room to tell them I was home. I snuck back downstairs, into my room, and locked the door. We whispered when we talked, it was as if a mouse was living in my room, and not a teenage girl. We would have almost gotten away with it, except he was getting over a mean bronchitis he'd had for months. That is when the coughing started. And people, let me tell you, these could not be mistaken for girly coughs unfortunately, and they were loud. I quickly sprung over and covered his mouth.
"My gosh! SSSSSSHHHHHHH"
"I'm sorry!" He whispered between coughs. "I can't breathe!"
"YOU'RE BEING SO LOUD!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!"
The coughing continued, no efforts to be muffled. Unbelievable.
When they had stopped, we continued to make an escape plan. Then all of a sudden, there were light taps on my door. The fear crossed both of our faces as we looked at each other and then the door. He moved to a corner of my room farthest from the door.
"Lies...." Oh. God."....Yeah Mom...?'
"You know what....."
".....Okay..."
Yes, we were caught by my mother. She had forgotten if I had checked in or not, and came downstairs. When she had gotten to my door she heard the coughing, and panicked. We had both gotten a bit of a lecture in the single-lamp lit family room at 3 am that night; Sent back into my room to retrieve our things, and I drove him back to his car. We laughed about it the whole time, but safe to be said, that was the end of that shenanigans. I haven't told anyone about that until now. And yet, I don't know why. It's hysterical. If you know me at all, you would know I have the worst luck ever, and of course this would happen to me.
So moral of the story: Not only will doing things like this lead you to be caught by your mother at 3 am over Christmas, but It could also lead to emotional attachments.
 |
| Yes.. This is the real message |
'I love you'
WHAT?! No, You can't love me. You didn't before
'Yes, I'm inlove with you'
NO. NO. NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS IS NOT MY LIFE.
And as much as I cared about him as a friend, It was really hard to deal with the fact I couldn't say the three words back. I'm not the girl who will say things I don't mean. I will never tell someone I'm in love with them if I'm not. And so far, I haven't been in love, so I'm still waiting.
And of course it ruined the friendship we had worked so hard on.
As much as being back together physically with an ex seems like a good idea, just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea. You obviously broke up for a reason, and you should keep that reason. Unless you are still both completely head over heels for one another and are on the road of recovery, Move on.
After the Christmas incident, I finally became intuned with the fact, I had zero feelings in that manner. Basically my mother gave the ultimatum of "Get your sh*t together and get back together, or stop doing this" and as if not thinking about it, we decided the second. It wouldn't work out again, and we both knew it. And now, there are no underlying-unresolved feelings or confusion. It's a solid friendship again. It's great. KEEP YOURS THAT WAY PLEASEEEEEE. DON'T BE LIKE ME.
And not in the offensive way, like that it was a horrible idea to do that, it wasn't. But it wasn't healthy. Whether he knew it or not, I spent time on it after wondering what the meaning was behind it. What he thought, why were were doing that. And as soon as we decided to stop it ALL, I stopped feeling insecure in the friendship we had. I knew we were meant to be great friends, and I'm happy to report it's stayed like that.
Find someone new! Keep your ex in your life if they were/are important to you, they make great friends, advice givers, and shoulders to cry on. They understand you, your needs, and things you need to work on. But they do not make good hookups, It just takes you 3 steps back in your progress.
