Lost in Tinder-slation

For those of you who don't know what Tinder is, either A. Tune me out B. Get an iphone/apple product
C. There is no option C.

Tinder is an upcoming app for apple product users. It gives you the opportunity to talk with people between a 10-100 mile radius based on a profile of age, 5 pictures maximum, shared interest, and shared friends. You anonymously <3 or X people, until you are matched. Matching means you <3 a person and they <3 you. If given a match you can start a conversation or keep playing.

So here comes the fun part. When you get a match!

Alright, let's all admit it. For those of you who are on that "tinder grind" as my neighbor would say, you know you get a little confidence boost every time you get a match. Someone else shallowly likes you just as much as you shallowly liked them, usually they're pretty attractive or you found something interesting based on their profile. Then if one of you is brave enough you start a conversation.

So here is where the tinder-slation comes in to play. . .

My first night on Tinder, I nervously started the sorting process. Finally after a couple minutes I had my first match! Being thrilled, the pit dropped in my stomach when the "Send a message" or "Keep playing" option came up. I quickly did what any normal girl would do and messaged my best friend.

"What do I say??" I asked.
"Umm... Hi?" She said.

Being a complete moronic newbie I told her. "No way! It can't be that simple! Who the hell has a tinder and starts a conversation off with hey?"

So of course I thought of something really cheesey and cute to say. To put it simply, I did not receive a reply. Feeling like a complete idiot, I began my search over again. Aha! Finally another match! Stressing yet again, I was faced with the issue of "What do I say?" I messaged her again.

"Okay. Cute pick up line. Yeah"
"Hahaha okay" She said.

However before I could type anything, I was messaged first this time.

"Hey!"
*Face to palm*

WOW I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! HEY! WHAT A COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NON IDIOTIC WAY TO START A CONVERSATION........

"Hey!" I replied.

We began talking, and realized we had similar friends and interests.

Between conversations I started "Tinder-ing" again. As I came to find, they all began with some sort of hello, with the rare "You do realize you look like Mandy Moore, right? ;)" or "We should probably get different jersey's since you're out of my league ;)" ones. Which by the way, make my day entirely.

My friend Sea-biscuit (How he got that name is a completely different blog post yet to come) started tinder about a week ago, after I showed him one day during class. In one night, he had managed to get three girls phone numbers.

"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Well you see, I start off almost all my conversations with 'You're my favorite match so far.'" What a brilliant kid! That is freaking hysterical! But then it made me realize, If my dear sweet friend was pulling moves like that... why wouldn't other guys, who I barely even knew?

I became a little paranoid. I had given my number out to guys. Did this mean I was one of the many "favorite matches" too?

So I began interrogating Sea-Biscuit.
"So what do you actually say to them?"
"Well, you begin talking normally, throw in a couple compliments. About.. 30 minutes in you say something like "Well i'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight! And they just throw their numbers at you."

That's genius I thought to myself. Get the charm going, then wam! "Hey shawty what's your number?" and every time you eventually cave.

"Sometimes you get stuck though. And then you just gotta ask for advice from the bros. I'll be like sitting on the couch with one of them, and we'll both be tindering and then a girl will say something. So we swap and we're like "dude, girl said the same thing to me once, perfect line." and then they'll get stuck and I'm like "Bro. *click click click* This is gold."

I guess I can't really blame them though. I do that with my girlfriends. Although, we sit in a group text message and send screen shots and judge. "....He looks to short for you" "Ladies! 1-10? He's 5'10 and has a golden retriever." "Oh my god... total 10."

It's sometimes ridiculous the extent we go to. IT'S TINDER FOR GOODNESS SAKE! But yet, why is it so addicting?!

But sometimes you actually feel seriously about spending quality time texting or continuing the chat... so... as we go again... Tinder-slation can be very tricky.

So we can all agree, what is a conversation without a little bit of spice and flirtation? Sure, essentials like what your favorite color, and hockey team are important. But you shallowly liked the person because of usually one thing: Their attractiveness. You know it's true. Don't kid yourself. I admit it. Flirting is inevitable.

So you begin kind of flirtatiously dropping things like "Hey, you're super cute. . . we should meet up." My only issue, is most of my matches live around 50 miles away #bummer. But like I said, flirty never really hurt anyone. But there are things you need to make sure you're aware of.

Code Freaking RED:

1. When your so called normal conversation takes a turn for the sexual
So you've been talking for a while, throwing in the occasional winks, compliments, smiley faces. Then all of a sudden "So do you spit or swallow?" UM EXCUSE ME? WE WEREN'T EVEN DISCUSSING THAT. No offense, and maybe I'm alone, but do you really think I'm going to tell you that after holding a conversation of like.. an hour? Even after a couple days if it's really going smooth. It's a total turn off, creepy, and gross. I don't even know your last name. This is all happening so fast! Can I get pregnant from this? Since when is it okay to be so casual about that kind of stuff. 'Hey my name is dominic. So question, are you a top or bottom girl?" HARD PASS. HARD PASS.

. Send me a picture ;) 
Okay. . . Will you specify that? You want a picture of my face? My room? Stuffed elk hanging in my living room? Of course, the most often reaction is ".... I look really fat today though." Girls I know you feel me on this. If he asks you this, ask if he has a snap chat! If you're feeling like it's not gonna bite you in the ass, snap chats are pretty cool. Besides it gives you the chance to see what he's like. If he has an iphone, he can
download snapchat for free if he's that desperate for a pic. If he refuses, you probably don't want to be sending out your beautiful faces to the world anyways. Same goes for guys... but girls are more likely for this one. Sorry :/




3. Doesn't message you after you match

As cute as they are, I give my matches 3 days to strike up or reply to a conversation. I'll usually give them one day to message me, and if not i'll say Hi in case they're that guy(or girl) who likes girls(or guys) to make the first move. If you don't hear from that, either he's not interested, or has a girlfriend. Or they're just on there for the pure entertainment and ego boost of having "so many matches." "Omg that Cory is so cute! why wont they message me though?" My advice, block them! They're just cluttering up your actually interested match list anyways.